Washington's Feminine Side
by SummerAngelz
Summary: Agent Washington takes in alot while trying to find the Meta. She meets new people breaks old rules and even learns a new word. she'll pass alot of admires on the way. FEMALE Wash first one to! Multiple pairings Wash/Meta Wash/Sarge Wash/Caboose & a little Wash/Everyone PART 1 OF SERIES
1. THE TASK

**Okay Before you guys start reading i need to notify you the first two chapters kind of suck, there short and non detailed so if you don't like the fist chapter or the second please keep reading cause it gets good after that trust me so dont exit to quick okay, and remember to review!**

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Washington sat there in a meadow with her friends. She and Tex were busy chasing York while Caroline climbed trees with Wyoming. The talked and mingled for hours then it started to get dark out and they said there goodbyes.

Wash turned toward the way she can't remember coming from when a growl came behind her. Se nearly whipped her head off her shoulders but saw nothing behind her.

"Hello?" The girl called out to nothing. All her friends were gone and it was pitch black. Silence was screaming in her ears. She thought about turning to run but she was a freelancer! She didn't fear anything but she felt like a little girl.

Wash could hear her heavy breathing and shuffled a foot backwards. Suddenly the ground fell from her feet and she was thrown against a tree hands wrapped around her neck trying to strangle her.

She kicked her feet but her attacker didn't seem to budge. She tried to scream for her friends but she was slipping into unconsciousness and had a low supply of oxygen. His hands didn't loosen their grip even as darkness began to hug her body.

The man leaned in face inches from hers and spoke a single word.

"Soon"

"BEEP, BEEP, BEEP"

Washington sat bolt upright in her cot soaking from sweat. She put a hand to her head trying to recall her dream. "Agent Washington please report to director's office" the intercom interrupted her thoughts._Great I was attacked in my sleep and don't even have time to get up!_

She was already drifting back into sleep when…

"Agent Washington please report to director's office". The voice spoke more agitated. "UGH, shut up!" Wash nearly screamed shoving a gray tank top with yellow pants on. Nobody really understood Wash. Like her taste in fashion or the reason she liked 50's music.

Wash felt a tug at her stomach. _Hum better get something to eat._

"Agent Washington report to director's office!" the voice nearly screamed now. "Shit" she was gonna get hell from Carolina for being late.

She nearly broke down her door while racing through the halls her red hair moving like fire. As she was passing the food court she could spot York eating gruffly alone. _York usually comes on all my missions. Why isn't he there?_ She hesitated stopping to a halt.

"Hey York!" she called hoping to talk to him. The addressed man jerked his head in the wrong direction then faced Wash. His face consists of a mess of food, unfortunately he found out to late. "Hey Wash" he swallowed his food. "What's up girl aren't you supposed to-" he was cut off by the intercom screaming her name again. She smiled "I've got time,"

"Your going to need more than time if you push the chairman any farther" he laughed. She joined in "Hey do you know why they want me?" her voice got serious. He frowned "I think you know already".

She sighed not wanting to accept the truth "I know but maybe-"

"Maybe doesn't excuse what he did," York cut her sentence short. But his serious face was replaced with a smile "Now get going"

Wash nodded her head a started down the hall again. left right right left it's a wonder how she navigates through this every day. She approached the hallway rather quickly and there it was his door, the director's door where they held all their plans.

She threw open the door almost flying it off its hinges she stopped in her tracks awkwardly. Wide eyes on both the director and chairman. They were the only ones in the room.

The chairman glared at her obviously being the one calling her name. the director spoke first "Agent Washington so nice of you to accompany us on such short notice" his voice was heavy with sarcasm. "Sorry Sir." she was not one bit apologetic, he noticed. "Agent you can save your smart remarks for your team not for me," he paused hoping she understood. "I humbly require your attention,"

"Well you've got it," she sat down the director stood..

"I'm sorry to tell you that you will not have your team this mission, instead you will be going to investigate our formal Meta". Her heart dropped but kept the thoughts away. He continued "Your job as recovery one is to locate and find a few A.I.'S that the Meta will likely target next" she dipped her head slowly. "I suggest that you start with the last known whereabouts of the Omega AI".

Wash froze motionless with surprise. And some how managed to speak her next words. "Omega" it was a statement. The director could care less about how she felt about his so he continued to rant. "Since Agent Texas was last recorded with it I need you to find the last people she spoke to and continue from there you leave at 1300 hours," he finished

He motioned her to the door

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Okay don't forget to vote! The Poll is open!


	2. DRUNKS & HEADACHES

Her head was fuming. _How dare he make me do this!_ She roughly considered breaking some things but suppressed the thoughts. She paced back and forth in the dim hallway hoping that somehow her pacing would get her somewhere.

On about the fifth teeth hundredth pace she ran into a slightly drowsy C.T. Knocking them both to the ground.

"Oh I'm sorry Connie I didn't see you there" she started to apologize to C.T. who didn't bother to get off the floor. "No it's… it's…. it's ok I needed a place to crash anyway" and she fell into a heap on the floor snoring very loudly. "Don't call me Connie" a dreamy voice slurred through her mouth.

Wash contained the giggle coming up her throat at the sight of her drunk teammate.

Just then 49er came into the room obviously searching for Wash. "come on were supposed to leave to Valhalla outpost 17-b in five minutes!" she grabbed Washington's arm not even bothering to ask about C.T.

49er dragged her to the ship departure. The place was big enough to fill 200,000 Wyomings. Just the thought made her head hurt. Then as soon as she arrived she was yanked away into Angel on My Shoulder. She seated herself gently in the pelicans seats already suited up with her armor.

"Hey mom do I have to go to school today?" Wash mocked 49er. And sure enough she got a reply "Yes sweetie and I'm sure youll make new friends too" she laughed

"I doubt it" Wash muttered. And the pelican when flying to its destination.

"Hey mom?" Wash asked 49er

"Yes" she sounded slightly annoyed not being able to take her seriously with the whole mom bit.

"I'm going to sleep" she said a matter of factly

It seems like she only closed her eyes for one minute and 49er was already waking her up.

"Well while you were asleep I found that there is one survivor a Valhalla outpost 1"

Wash got excited "Really he's alive?"

"Yes and the counselor would like you to be there while he talks to him" she eyed Wash's happy state. "You might want to lower it down a notch though" the pelican slowed to a stop._ We can't be there already!_

49er got out of the pilots seat and lead Wash to the inside of red base where Wash would wait for the survivor

This next chapter is going to have lines from the actual show just tweaked a bit to make Wash girly


	3. THE META

**I do not own ANYTHING and these were lines from the actual Transcript! Thank you i need reviews Plz!**

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The red solider, most likely the survivor walked into the room escorted by two soldiers.

Wash watched them intensely. then the Counsellor spoke.

"Thank you gentlemen, would you please excuse us," he spoke as calmly as possible on the screen.

The two escorts walk off one muttering something.

The Counsellor spoke again this time to the solider. "You are Private Walter Henderson, correct?"

Henderson nodded once "Yes Sir,"

The Counsellor knew he didn't feel comfortable. "You can dispense with the formalities Walter. Please feel comfortable to speak as candidly as you wish. Can you tell us what happened at your outpost, Walter?"

Agent Washington's eyes burned holes in the solider's back.

The solider stumbled upon his next words. "Yes Sir-ah, yes. I had been there about six months. Everything was pretty much like normal and one day this... ship... crashed,"

The Counsellor was already getting information.

"I see. Is this the ship to which you are referring?" A holographic representation of the downed transport ship appears on the screen.

Henderson gulped "Yeah. Yeah that's it,"

Wash impatiently tapped her foot this was taking to long.

"Please, tell me what was on the ship Walter," The Counsellor tried to make him feel more comfortable.

He man continued "I don't know. The Blues got there first. They fought us off while they cleared it out. Took the stuff back to Base. By the time we got a hold of it it just seemed like a regular old transport." he paused "Our engineer said some of the wiring had been messed with but he didn't seem, you know, worried about it or nothing like that." he spoke getting into detail.

The screen replied "I see. Thank you for that,"

The red was getting nervous "But whatever was on the ship, must have been what started the whole thing,"

"Please Walter, define thing,"

Henderson was hesitant but gave in "The infection. The Blues just stopped fighting us. Some of them set up camp outside their base and trapped the rest of their team inside; blew up their comm tower for some reason. Their own comm tower. Then they blew up ours. That's why we couldn't radio for help, we couldn't figure out why they would do that. After that, nothing. No word from them at all. The CO sent a squad over... all the Blues were dead. They had killed each other." he last words seemed to spoke him.

Counsellor urged him "Please, continue,"

"We brought all the equipment back to base and brought it online. And that's when the infection started for us,"

"The soldiers became... sick?" the Counsellor was confused.

Henderson continued "No. They just... they were different. Off. We would catch guys getting in to areas they shouldn't get in to. But the weird thing was, a guy would go crazy act up, and then we would throw him in a cell, and he would be fine. Then another guy would go nuts, disobey orders. Like trying to bring the comm tower back online even though we were told to leave it be. Maybe they knew it was coming."

Counsellor questioned him again "They knew what was coming?"

The man sounded nearly scared "At first we thought it was Help. It ransacked Blue Base, searched all the bodies... then it came after us. Seemed focused on the guys that were infected. Eventually, it just started killing everything."

_Meta. _Wash imminently thought.

The Counsellor was intrigued he wanted more information "Could you describe it for us, Walter?"

"Not really. It moved fast, when we first saw it, and after Blue Base it was... it was different,"

"In what way, different?"

"It looked, like it wasn't there. I don't know how to explain it."

Washington was now full on focused because of this new information. _Did he acquire another AI at blue base._

The Counsellor must have sent for the Captain because the two escorts were back right behind Henderson. "That's alright. I know this has been difficult for you Walter. We're going to do everything we can to help you,"

"Please, follow these men to your new quarters. You'll be with us as long as absolutely necessary," he continued

Henderson obediently walked off with the escorts, like a dog with his tail between his legs.

The Counsellor focused on Wash. "Agent Washington, what do _you_ make of all this?"

Wash was happy to finally talk but sad to confirm what she knew. "I think it sounds like exactly what _I_ encountered,"

The man behind the screen was in deep thought "Mhm,"

Washington stated her fears "Except it's stronger now, and becoming moreso all the time,"

"Does that concern you?"

Wash slightly shook her head "Look, the last mission I ran against this thing, I got shot in the back by my own partner,"

"Agent South," The Counsellor confirmed "We feel some, responsibility for that,"

The Agent Scoffed "Yeah you should. If I hadn't had York's healing unit, I'd be dead now. So while this isn't ideal and I don't feel like sticking my neck out for you guys, if it puts me on a path that leads to _her_, you can trust me at least that far." She needed to get back at South.

The Counsellor knew exactly what she was thinking "So you would say that you have overwhelming feelings of anger, and a need for revenge?"

Wash's lips curved into a divous smile "More than you know,"

The Counsellor wasn't bothered at all by this "Excellent. Now that our agency is under investigation, the Director feels it is important for us to be as open as possible. With each other. If our suspicions are correct, the Meta has made another addition: the Omega A.I."

_Shit, i was supposed to get it before him._

"It was Omega and, _Tex_ right?" Wash was recalling her last conversation with the director.

"Yes it was,"

_Darn_

She paced in a circle about the room muttering "The Meta doesn't leave much behind. It's gonna be hard to track,"

"We think the best place for you to start, would be the Omega's last known location. The soldiers there have the most experience with our program," The screen buzzed.

Washington pirked up "Great, So I should contact these experts-"

"We do not like the term experts." he inturrupted her suddenly

Wash was confused "Because no-one really knows what our program is doing?"

She could practicly see the Counsellor shaking his head "Let's just say the term "expert" is a little too... complimentary in this particular case. Do you still have your old suit of armor?"

She nodded "Of course. Wait... why?"


	4. THE EXPERTS

Washington was in Blood gultch out post 1 looking for the soliders the Counsellor mentioned. She was now in front of what appears an abondoned blue.

"Hello? Hello. Anybody here?" Wash called out uncertain if anyone was even in this caynon

Her radio started acting up with alot of static.

Wash activated her radio "Recovery One calling Command. Come in Command,"

One of the operators for command responed "Go ahead Recovery One, we have you,"

She stated her situation "I'm at Outpost 1-A. Looks deserted,"

"Roger that. See if you can find any evidence that would suggest where they all might have-"

"Hey! A-hole! What's with all the noise? People are trying to sleep here!" A voice inturupted from the base

Wash went back to her radio "Um... scratch that Command. It appears I've found someone. Recovery One out,"

A Yellow combat solider appeared in the doorway of blue base and she looked like she was about to fall over. "Ohhh man."

_I guess she's hungover._

Wash decided the friendly greeting "Hi. I'm Agent Washington. This is Blue Base, correct?"

THe yellow solider hicupped "It was,"

"Was?" Washington pressed

"Everybody's gone. Transferred. Something about this base being obsolete now, or, whatever."

_So their not here either? _

"Right. Where did they go?"

"I don't know! All different places. Nobody told me anything,"

Washington didn't like this girl she placed her hands on her hips "Well, I'm trying to locate some people who have experience with the Freelancer program,"

The girl was talking very loud "Freelancer? Is that the band we had here last night?"

"You had a party here?" _So stupid_

"Yeah! I throw raves every night. Charge five bucks a head. Last night, I made ten bucks. Ooah ooah! Nice."

The Agent was surprised "You use the base for raves? That doesn't seem like the proper use for official resources."

"What're you, like a cop or something?" this girl was annoying the hell out of Wash

"No," Wash said point blank

"Cause if you are, and I ask you, then you have to tell me. That's totally a law or something,"

_My GOD she is stupid._

Wash tried not to be rude "I'm not the police. And that's not a real law,"

The girls face looked like she made a break through "Well if you're not a cop, then how do you know it's not a real law? Busted!"

Wash didn't have time for this, for any of this "You caught me. Hey, is there any-body else... smart... here that I can talk to?" She wanted to get away from the yellow solider as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna tell you. I don't rat people out. Cop!,"

Wash started walking away "Okay, I'm gonna leave now. Good luck with your empty base and your raging insanity,"

She could even hear the girl yell from a distance "Yeah? Whatever! Good luck with being a cop, cop!"

Wash yet again activcated her radio "Come in Command,"

"Hello Washington. We have you? How was the investigation at Blue Base?"

Washington flat out lied "Enlightening. Going to try the red base now, I'm hoping things there will be a little more-"

A cardboard pop up of a pink combat solider popped up nearly scaring Washington

"Normal" Washington finished

"Halt, in the name of the red-" The voice record cleared his throat "I mean lightish read army. This base is operating at full capacity. And if you come in here, you're gonna get in to a big uhn-uh slap-fight!" the voice had a southern accent, was trying to sound like a girl, and was obuisly atemmpting to not have Her enter the base, poorly.

"Heuhhh... I'm gonna have to call you back," She hung up the call

"Don't come any further, ooh la la." Wash passed the pop up cauitously

As Washington continues approaching, a maroon popup of a solider comes out from behind a rock.

Wash stared at the thing until it spoke with the same voice trying a new tune.

"This is your last warning, stay out! I love mass!"

"What in the..." Wash was very confused

The pop up continued "Your only hope of survival is to kiss my commander's ass!"

Washington continues on and an orange popup seems to appear from out of nowhere again with a diffrent tune.

"And this is another warning: I know the other warning was supposed to be last, but I never listen to orders, 'cause I'm too lazy and stupid! And ugly. Did I mention ugly?"

Wash frowned so she wouldn't laugh "This is gonna be a waste of time, I can tell already," she takes a few more steps further.

A red solider pops up in front of Wash

_I hope this is the last one_

This one was the voices natral voice

"Yeah, freeze intruder! Stop yer intrudin' right there,"

Wash was getting angry "Who made these things!" she said to no one

the Pop up contiunes "I did"

Wash screamed in fright and fell

"Wait, you're real?" she was dusting herself off a ignored the red soliders hand trying to help her up

"Of course I am. You fell for a classic misdirection. I still got it. Heh heh." The red solider noticed the Agents curves and high voice "I didn't relize my intruder would be a lovely lady, I am Sarge" he bowed but didn't move his shotgun from her face.

Wash heard a robotic voice speaking...

_Spanish?_

"Esta todo bien aquí?"

Wash could make out the robot saying "Everything OK out here?"

Sarge barked at the robot "We're fine, Lopez. Just caught myself a dirty Blue. How many does that make this week?"

Lopez the robot Replied "Uno,"

Sarge seemed glad by this low number "Yahtzee. We're on a hot streak!" he winked at Wash

She was dumbfounded "Uh, I'm not actually a Blue. I'm from Command,"

Sarge lowers his shotgun

"Command, no kiddin'. I didn't think we were due for inspection," The sargent was not surprised

"You're not. I was hoping you could tell me about the soldiers transferred out of this outpost,"

"You mean Grif and Simmons little lady? Those traitors. I told 'em not to go! The battle here isn't even over yet," he was angry at the thought of this espelily when he mentioned this Grif.

Wash looked over her shoulder "Um, it looks over to me,"

Sarge shook his head "Not while there's a single Blue left in this canyon. Which there is: a single Blue. Victory, or death,"

"I see," She really didn't

Sarge contiuned "That's why I refused my relocation orders. Obviously Command wasn't thinkin' clearly,"

Wash understood this part "So, you're AWOL then,"

The solider wasn't right in the head "I uh... A-what?"

Was could hear that girl from blue base behind her "Don't tell her anything until you talk to a lawyer! You have rights!"

Wash screamed back this time in a fit of fuiery "I'm not a COP!"

Sarge joined in backing her up "Hey! Beat it ya little tramp!" He turned to Wash "Ya see why I can't go?"

Wash was supried with everyones idiotsy today "Why not just attack her and win then? It would take about ten seconds,"

The yellow solider was yelling at Sarge "You're old and I hate you!"

Sarge ignored her "That's the problem! I can't attack a girl. So we're locked, in an epic stalemate,"

Wash was going to explode "But you didn't have a problem on thinking to attack me"

Sarge was cornered "I... Um .."

"Well?" Wash waited

He changed the topic "She's cookin' somethin' up. And I gotta be ready. I hear her runnin' training ops every night! I see them out there with their glow sticks and their tribal drum beats oom chicka oom chicka oom chicka oom chicka," he mimicked the drums.

"Well. This has been really... informative. But I need to find someone who has experience with artificial intelligence," She finally got to her point

Sarge gave in "Alright. You want Caboose then. He got infected for a little while I think,"

"Great. Caboose! Do you know where he is?" _I'm finally getting somewhere!_

"Of course. We intercepted the Blues' orders. I got it right here. Lopez!" He seemed happy to help her now

"Sí,"

"Get this gal the Blue Team relocation orders,"

"Sí," the robot repeated with a file of papers

Sarge handed her the documents "Lopez probably converted it in to Spanish, so they might be a little hard to understand,"

Wash smiled "Yeah. They wouldn't be the first thing today"

"So your leaving then" He didn't let go of the documents

"Ya I am" Wash spoke blutntly

Sarge shook his head "I guess i shouldnt be surprised your a girl i mean look at Tex she beat the hell out of us!"

Wash smiled under her visor "That Texas alright"

"SHUT UP COP!"


	5. STUPIDITY HAS ITS CHARM

**I dont own Red vs Blue Or Anything i just came up with the idea to make Washington a chick and give romance with her Caboose, Sarge, Meta AKA Maine and small grif and simmons**

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Washington was at outpost 28 rats nest talking to a solider trying to find Caboose when She was rudely inturupted by him

"Oh no, hell no. Excuse me Sir, but no God damn way!"

"I got Reds comin' out my ass here boss. You show up and take away one of my men? For a- what did you say this was for?" The man continued

"Secret mission Sir," Another blue solider said

Miller was throwing a fit "Aw, you gotta be- oh, what!"

Washington kept talking "I think you have bigger issues than troop assignment, Soldier. How about getting some of these vehicles back in working order?"

This seemed to piss the man off more "What the hell do ya think I'm talkin' about? This is your fault, you sent us the new guy, he said he was good with vehicles. All he does is talk to 'em. Talk to 'em! What the hell is that all about? And now look at the damn things"

Wash peeked a look the vehicles were totaled and were far beoned repair.

"I don't have time to discuss your problems. I have orders and those orders say that I need Private Caboose, and I need him now. He has information that is vital to the security of-"

She was interuted again "Wait a second. Caboose? You're taking Caboose? And I don't have to pay you or anything like that?"

Wash was confused again "Is that a problem?"

"Problem? Heh heh, hell no. It must be Christmas morning and no-one told me. You stay right there, and I'll get him for ya. Private Jo-Annis. Jo-Annis! Jo-Annis, where the hell are you?"

_Who has the name Jo-Annis?_

Another blue solider appeared "Sir, for the millionth time, my name is pronounced Jones. Jones!"

"Shut up, Jo-Annis," Miller instructed

"Seriously, lots of people have the name. It's very common. How am I the first guy you've met called Joanes?"

The captin ignored him "Jo-Annis, I need you to go down to the brig, untie Caboose and get him up here,"

Joanes was stuned "Me, alone?"

"Double-time, Jo-Annis!"

Joanes protested "It's pronounced- never mind. Christ,"

Joanes disappears behind the door to go get the solider required of Wash's mission. She could hear him muttering the whole way.

Washington got back to the captain "You keep him in the brig?"

"We keep him tied up in the brig. I'm not takin' any more chances," Miller corrected her

A a gunshot ripples through the air causeing Wash to back up in defesive mode but the next thing she heard was Joanes screaming

"Ow-howhow! Why!"

Then she heard the most clueless and funniest voice shes ever heard "Be careful!" it called back to Joanes

A dark blue solider wearing a mark 5 helmet walks through the door without Joanes.

_This must be Caboose _

The solider approached Captian miller who was backing away quickly.

"You wanted to see me Principal Miller?" Wash had to stop herself from laughing

Miller wasn't bothered by his stupidity "Where's the guy I sent to getcha?"

The solider responed as if he was making it up as he went. "Oh him, yeah, um- he let me out and then somehow shot himself in the back somehow. Uh, but we don't think it was anyone's fault. Everybody agrees it was an accident,"

Miller sighed "Jesus, would someone go check on him?"

Another blue team member goes in the way Joanes did.

"Hrgh, Caboose, this here is Special Agent Washington from Blue Command. She has something fan-tastic she needs to talk to you about."

Caboose got very worried and started twitching "Command? Oh no. They never have good news. Did somebody die? Was it my Mom? Is she dead? Or my Dad, did my Dad die again? Oh no,"

Wash had no idea what he was talking about "What is this? I- I don't-"

The captian was laughing "Heh heh, you see? He's yours now, heh heh heh, no takebacks,"

Caboose contiuned "Is it my brother? Was my brother killed? That's it, isn't it? My brother is dead!"

Wash tried to calm him down so she set down her rifle and held onto his shoulders "No, nothing like that,"

Caboose calmed at her touch "Oh good. Because I don't even have a brother- how sad would it be to not have a brother and to lose a brother all in the same day?"

Wash had to shout again "No-one died!"

The other blue solider appeared in the door way

"Jo-Annis is dead, Sir,"

Wash sighed "Okay, no-one besides him," she still had her arms holding him down

Caboose spoke quickly "Once again, nobody's fault. Psst! I think the new lady did it,"

_This guy is completly stupid _she thought but she couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"Private Caboose, you were stationed at Blood Gulch, correct?" she griped him as if he was a bomb

Caboose wasn't haveing a problem holding her weight "Yeah... that was fun,"

Wash was getting somewhere but she didn't keep her hopes up "And our records indicate you were infected by an aggressive artificial intelligence program at one point. The Omega A.I.? Is that correct as well?"

Caboose seemed to be in a dreamy daze "Yeah. That wasn't as much fun,"

"Okay, well I need you to come with me. I'm investigating a critical issue and, you seem to be the only person with the knowledge and experience necessary to help me. And I just realized how ridiculous that sounded once I said it out loud. None the less, I need you to come with me,"

Caboose seemed glad to come "Ok!"

Washington approaches Caboose and motiones him to follow her, then they walk to where Wash is supposed to be picked up.

Caboose starts talking right away "Agent Washingtub?"

Wash looked at him like her was insane "Yes, Private Caboose?"

Caboose smiled under his visor "Your not a mean lady" yes a very stupid smile


	6. THE DISFUNTIONAL TRIO

Wash and Caboose have been travleing a good 4 hours and Wash had had enough of Caboose.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"Caboose! Just please be quiet"

"Ok,"

4 seconds later

"I need to use the bathroom"

"Dammit!"

* * *

Wash had awoken to Caboose shaking her on Angel on my shoulder. He was very close to her face.

"Agent Washingtub!" he pleaded

"What is it Caboose?" Wash was drowsy

"I told your football coach where Church is! And now we're here!" Caboose must have really liked this Church guy cause he would not stop talking about him the whole trip.

Wash looked out the window. She saw water and a caynon and an abondoned base.

"And you're sure this is where we can find this guy?"

Caboose nodded his head quickly "I think so. We all found out our new orders at the same time; he tried to hide his from me so I would not know where he was,"

Wash "Really. I can't imagine why," she started to get out of the pelican with Caboose following her contiuning his rant.

"I said it was like a game of hide and seek, and he said that that was right; he was going to hide from me. And the only way he could win, is if he dies without ever seeing me again,"

Washington sort of felt bad for Caboose now. Like she knew he was stupid and absentminded but thats no way to treat him. They were walking twoard the base now.

"Does he know about the Freelancers as well Caboose"

"Oh, yeah, he knows the most. He knows uh, all about your A.I. game. He dated Tex!"

_Agent Texas?_

"Um, how could a person-"

A sniper shot rings out between them sending Washington behind a rock for cover.

"Sniper! Get down!"

Caboose stood motionless "Huh?"

A voice called out beond the walls of the base they were heading to "Okay, that was your one warning shot! The next one's goin' right between your eyes!"

Wash was screaming at Caboose who still stood in the battlefield "Caboose! Get down!"

Caboose looked like he had a lightblub over his head "Wait a minute-"

The sniper spoke again "Alright! I warned ya! Siyonara, biatch!"

Wash closed her eyes not being able to bear the sight of Cabooses stupid little cute head get blown off.

She heard the sniper shot but no dieing noise, no sound of someones last breath.

The attacker was yelling "Aw come on, what the fuck!"

Washington opened her eyes it has seemed the sniper had missed Caboose by a miricle because he was still standing there.

"Caboose!" Wash yelled

Caboose spoke for the first time "I know that voice! Church! Church! It's me! Your all time best friend!"

_Church? Isn't that his friend?_

The sniper suposeily Church spoke "Caboose? Caboose is that you?"

_That confirms it._

Caboose seemed over joyed "Yes! Church, it's me!"

Church began to fire rounds at the poor private but was missing, ALOT

Caboose was vey happy now "I have missed you so much! It has been so long! Did you miss me!"

Church was angry "Go away!"

"This is your friend?" Wash wanted to be positive

Caboose nodded as more sniper rounds flew past his face

"Yeah,"

Washington was absolutly confused the fuck out of "And he's shooting at you,"

Caboose didn't take in reality

"Well, at me and stuff around me. Yeah, it is kind of like our thing. So he acts like he doesn't like me, but he really does. Oh and he might bring up something about me killing him, but that's only the truth. Uh it's a joke. You could play along if you want!"

Wash was gaping at him with her mouth open "Wait, that doesn't make any sense. You did what? You- you killed him?"

_Church must really hate Caboose but Caboose must really like Church._

"Hey, scram, seriously! Get the fuck outta here!,"

"Hey Church! This is Agent Washington! She needs to speak to you," Caboose finally was reminded somhow of why they were here

Church was dumbfounded "Agent Wa- You brought a Freelancer here? What's wrong with you?"

Washington had had enough of this "Open this gate!"

The gate didn't budge** "**Uh, no can do Sweetie. See this is a secure facility: nobody in, nobody out. Sorry, I guess you'll have to come back, never,"

Wash smirked under her visor "Oh no, then I guess we'll have to just walk through the huge hole in your secure wall," Wash had spotted the hole in the far side of the base for sometime before they were interupted

Church was outsmarted "Fine, I'll open the fucking gate,"

The gate began to split in two and was making an opening. Caboose had squeazed thour the door already Church had a split chance to close the gate and squish the private to death, but he was to stupid to figure that out.

"Okay well, sorry the place is so messy. I would have cleaned up if I'd known you guys were coming. But hey, no-one called ahead," Church was in pale blue armor was waiting for them.

Wash was the first to break the akward silence

"How long have you been here?"

Church seemed to have been counting in his head before he asked "How long? Um... What day is today?"

"Today is Tuesday," Wash replied shortly

"I've been here fourteen months,"

"What? Over a year, by yourself? Alone?"

Church didn't botherd "Yeah, it's been um... it's been great, I mean just, just it's been great. Really great,"

The all too familiar radio Wash has been useing this whole mission went off

"This is Command calling Recovery One, come in Recovery One,"

Washington turned away from them "This is Agent Washington. I found some blue team members that have extensive experience with Omega."

"Did she just say Omega?" Church asked

Caboose sooned followed "Yeah. And some other words too,"

"Excellent Agent Washington, please stand by for orders."

The operator contiued

"Now that you have reassembled the blues, you should head to Outpost 17-B. See what clues your team can gather there based on what they know."

Washington nodded as if she could see her

"Roger that,"

"They want you to stop the Meta at all costs. This is a Level One directive. Good luck Wash. Recovery Command out,"

"Recovery One out. Come on, let's move out,"

Church didn't move "Move out? Hey at what point in this conversation did you think that we were buddies or somethin'? I'm not goin' with you,"

Caboose spoke after him "Well church she could be in our buddy club right?"

"Shut up Caboose, and what did I tell you about that armor, when we had to pick new suits?"

Caboose smiled now that Church has brought up this conversation "You told me to upgrade,"

Church clearly wanted to yell at him "That's not an upgrade! This is Mark Six armor, that's Mark Five. This is an upgrade,"

"In a Top Ten list, five is better than six,"

"We're not a top ten list!"

_This is so stupid!_

Wash inturupted them "How do you ever get anything done if all you ever do is argue with each other?"

Church was now yelling at her "We don't, that's part of our charm. Quit fuckin' it up!"

"Look, I know you guys are all wrapped up in your little "red vs blue" battles-"

Caboose inturupted her "Blue vs red battles. No-one says red vs blue, it sounds stupid when you say it backwards,"

Washington contiuned "But this is important. Actual military operations. Not your fake simulation stuff. Something is hunting our top agents, and I need all the help I can get to stop it,"

"Stop it? If it's killing Freelancers I want to start a fan club for it, build it a website," Church was being an ass

Washington still contiuned "And now that the ship from your canyon is crashed, we think it's more poweful than ever. It gains new abilities every time it kills-"

"Wait wait wait, whoa- you found Tex's ship?"

Washington smiled "We believe so,"

Church was now egar "Where?"

"Come with me, and I'll show you,"

"Okay, I'm in."

The disfutional trio started walking away from the base to where 49er would pick them up for the last time

Caboose was twitching in excitement"Yes, this will be the greatest road trip ever!"

Church inturupted him "If you say anything positive, I will fucking kill all three of us right now,"

**"**Okay. I will be very depressed about how awesome this will be."

Yes the very disfunctional family set off to outpost 17-b.

* * *

**I would like to thank the very first person who ever reviewed this story Keresa thank you you gave me something to look forward to in every day of my week! PLEASE review i accept constructive critism not "Your the worst author of all time" reviews Bye i will probaly post tomorrow!**


	7. THROWN INTO NOTHING

Wash, Church, and silly Caboose had finally arived at outpost 17-b and Wash was trying to get in the crash site for Church.

"I need to get to that ship it needs to be relooked" Wash protested with the pivate blocking her way.

"Sorry Ma'm, those are my orders. No-one can approach the crash site. You can't come in. Sorry,"

Wash kept cool "I need to see that ship. Check my clearance if you need to," She was ready to do anything to find the Meta

The steel colored Private didn't even bother to look up her orders he just waved his hand through the air

"I know Miss, but, it won't matter. They said I can't let anybody in. Anybody,"

Washington tried to think quick "I have orders from Command, Private."

The Solider just kept going "So do I. These came from the Director himself. ...Look sir, I'd- I'd like to help you, I really would, but this investigation thing... apparently they've started talking to people within the Recovery force. Now everything's getting locked down. You get Command to call me and tell me different, I can let you in. Until then, there's nothing I can do. You can use Red Base if you wanna make some calls. That facility's already been swept,"

Wash sighed in frustration "Fine, I understand," She replied through clenched teeth

Washington walks back to Church and Caboose who were waiting by Red base. She wanted to punch something perferibly the Steel private

"We have a problem," Wash spoke when she reached the blues and Caboose just had to reply first

"I hope it isn't a math problem,"

_SHUT UP CABOOSE!_

Wash trried to ignore him like Church always did "They've got the crash site locked down,"

Church was yet again close to yelling this time at Wash "Oh great. We couldn't have found that out on the radio? We had to get here first?"

Wash nodded "They said we could use this base if we want,"

Church sat down on the floor holding his head up with his hands

"Wow, the empty concrete base? Is it our birthday?"

"I want cake,"

_This is useless_

Church went smug

"Can't we find somewhere nicer to hang out? Hey maybe there's like a, cool nightclub nearby that you can't get us in to either. That would be awesome,"

Wash looked around for a few seconds when her eyes fell apoun the gravity life in the front of the base. She smiled devilishly.

She had an idea

"You two just, stay here. I'll go draw off the guards. When I give you the signal, use that grav-lift," She pointed to the thing

Church and Caboose were both clueless "The what? How do we use it?" Church questioned

Washington was getting sick of all there constent questions.

"Just step in to it. It'll do the rest. Meet me at the ship,"

Church got up off the ground

"Okay, what's the, signal?"

But Wash was already speeding away

She could hear Church and Caboose talking

"God dammit, I hate when they do that,"

Caboose turned around "When they do wha- hey! Where's Agent Washington?"

Wash was at blue base waiting for the right moment

_3...2...1_

She charged forward kicking the fusion coil into a nearby warthog and throwing a plasma gernade. Causeing an explosion making the sirens go off.

Wash activated her radio contacting Church "Okay, come on out. But come quietly,"

Church spoke back through her headset "Okay, let's go," she could see Church approaching the gravity lift

Caboose was the next to speak "Um, yes, I don't want to. Uh, you see I am scared of the thing that I don't know what it is,"

"Oh don't be a baby. How bad could it be-"

Church steps in to the grav-lift and is hurtled, limbs flailing, through the air

Church lands, bounces, skids, hydroplanes, and eventually smacks up against the side of a jeep behind two soldiers,

"That was fucking bullshit!" Church screamed

One of the soliders partly heard Church. Wash clenched her fists hoping they wouldn't see him

"Did you just say somethin'?" One says

"...Whuh?" was the others reply

Wash gritted through her teeth "I said quietly, what part of quiet don't you understand?"

"What part? How 'bout the part where I got thrown eighty feet in the fucking air, by the God damn throwing thing!" Church screamed

They stood in the same spot for a moment, and a tank rolls by.

Wash sighed in relif

"They didn't see us, okay. Stay out of sight," She aproched the broken crash site

"Do you recognize this ship?"

Church nodded poping his back clearly still angry at Wash "Yeah, this looks like it,"

Caboose was jittering with pure excitment "Sheila? Sheila. Are you okay?" he was almost screaming at the ship

Washington was yet again confused "Um... what is he doing?"

Church seemed to get his memory "Oh, yeah we uh, we transferred our tank's training program in to the ship, so that it could help us repair it,"

Wash sighed "Did you inform Command that you moved the program to the ship?"

Church shruged "Yeah, we're not really big on paperwork,"

Wash smiled this time walking overver to the control panle of the ship rummeging through wires "That's actually a good thing in this case. If they don't know it's there, they may not have tried to activate it,"

Wash opened a panel in the ship and something slumps out that turns out to be a diagnostics screen.

"Ah ha, here we go,"

A womans voice appeared

"Hello, and thank you for activating the- wait, where am I?" if a ship had eyes they would be looking around in confusion

Caboose lightly moved Wash out of the way a little to much of personal space for he put his hands on her torso to move her "Sheila?"

Wash was startled by Cabooses contact "Wha- Caboose!"

She was fumming mad but she turned to the ship each word spitting anger "Program, instruction. Run a full diagnostic, and load the logs from your last flight,"

Shelia the ship was lagging her functions "Affirmative. Excep-exception: the system has taken dam-taken damage. I am functing- I am functioning at minimum capacity-ity-ity-"

Wash ignored the problem "Program, instruction. Override exception and-"

Caboose was suddely angry and was quickly walking twoard Wash "Do not talk to her like that, she is not a program!" he was advancing on her

"Whoa. What? Calm down!" Caboose looked like her was gonna kill her

Church backed away from the two spartans "Hey I'm just gonna, stand behind Caboose, for a couple minutes. You know for safety reasons,"

Caboose was yelling again "Do not talk to anyone like that! You've been mean to ME to CHURCH! and to SHELI-"

But Caboose did not have time to finish his sentance for Wash had thrown herself onto Caboose and the two were on the floor... Mouths conected.

Church just stared at the sight of the two mangled together.

Wash had her helmet off as did Caboose after the impact of Wash hurdling herself at him. Her long fire red hair hid his bright blonde hair from veiw. Caboose was enjoying this a little to hasn't had any contact with a woman before EVER. He had his arm wraped around her waist and the other around her head. Logic would indicate that this would had lasted alot longer if Church hadn't rudely inturupt their little moment of fun.

He cleared his throat very loudly and in a second Wash was putting her helmet back on and Caboose sat on the ground glareing at Church for stoping her. And Caboose is NEVER mad at Church. Church was mouth open at him silently saying WHAT THE FUCK!

Wash was trying to catch her breath as she turned to Caboose again. Her eyes showed she would have done it again if it weren't for the problem at hand.

"Okay." She took in a deep breath "I only want to replay the logs from the crash. So can you please get her to do that"

Caboose was twitching like mad as he got off the floor leaving the happy memory "Sheila, um, would you go ahead and do that ah thing that she just said, to me?" his voice was dreamy more than it already was before.

Sheila finally gave in "Begin-beginning playb-playback."

The screen starts playing the log, with a warning siren and sounds of things hitting each other in the background

Sheila's voice was heard "Warning, warning, system failure,"

Then Wash heard unmistakably Agent Texas' voice "Sheila! Stabilizers!"

"Port abort, destroyed. Rear stabilizer offline. Navigation, offline. And my system clock does not match interior records,"

Tex was struggling in the ship "Did Gamma get loose!"

_Gamma!_

"Negative, but I do not know how much longer I can contain him,"

Tex sounded scared "Computer, what about there? In the canyon, can we land?"

_Must be talking about this one._

"Analyzing data,"

"Just tell me, can you get us there?"

"I am unable to calculate-"

Tex inturupted her "Sheila, give me manual control, now!"

"Acknowledged. Manual control, activated. Warning: decompression. Rear doors, open,"

"Where're they going? Close the hatch!"

"Rear doors open."

Tex screamed "Wait!"

Sheila responded "Brace for impact,"

"Everybody just hold on-"

The recording ended with a sustained beep

Everyone was quiet for a few moments

Wash broke the silence "Okay, so after that the ship crashed here. And from what a survivor told us the Blues got here first and offloaded the bodies and equipment. Then they started to get infected,"

"Infected? What were they doing with the bodies?" Caboose looked at Wash intensly when he said the last part

"Gross, shut up." Church muttered

Caboose was sounding dumb again "No really, what were they doing with the bodies,"

Wash rolled her eyes at the two imuture men "They said their men started acting erratically. And for some reason they destroyed all their radios and their own comm tower," She corrected them

Church almost chuckled didn't he understand this was seriuos "Okay, okay. That was definitely Omega,"

Wash raised an eyebrow "You had a similar experience?"

Church laughed "Yeuh, similar? Exactly the same."

Washington got it together "It all adds up then. Omega was the one who inherited that trait. During training they discovered he could move from suit to suit. For some reason he preferred Agent Texas. They tried to reassign him but he always made his way back to her somehow,"

Church eyed Wash

"So where's yer A.I.?"

Wash looked so sad even Caboose would have conforted her at that second "I don't have one. Any more. It's a long story but it's why I was chosen for this job,"

"Okay, okay I knew I had heard your name before. You're that girl that went nuts, right?"

Washington looked solem "I didn't do anything. My A.I... lost control of itself,"

Church scoffed "Right. It just happened to do it while it was inside your head,"

Wash nodded bones tense

"Right,"

Caboose seemed happy "We have a lot in common Agent Washington," he liked this though way to much.

Washington shook of the vile thought "No we don't. And don't ever say that again,"

"Where's Tex's body?" Church questioned

"According to the prisoner, it should be in Blue Base,"

"Take me to it, I want to see it,"

Wash backtracked the thought "What? I don't think so. That's their main-"

Beeping sounds overlap Wash's last few words, then Command starts talking to her over the radio

"Recovery Command calling Recovery One, level zero,"

Wash spoke into the radio "I have you, Command, level zero. Go ahead,"

"We have a beacon Wash. Pulling the data now. Stand by for ID and coordinates,"

Church inturupted the crisis "What was that?"

"That was my recovery beacon. It means an A.I. somewhere is in jeopardy and I have to find it before- ...something, else, does,"

"Coordinates locked, transmitting now," command activated the coordinates

"Receiving coordinates for recovery target. Do we have an ID?"=

"Affirmative, it is from the A.I. Delta and-"

Wash responed much to quickly excited and upset "Agent South..."

* * *

**Yay! Reviews for Caboose and Washs little incident! im trying to write more but this is getting harder and harder! Please message me if you liked it and review! and if you really really like this story subscribe to it or add to favorties!**


	8. A SIMPLE TALK

"Caboose?" Church approached the blue solider cautiously who was holed up in red base.

"Yes Church?" Caboose had his helmet off and was enjoying the fresh air by the water.

"What exactly was that back there?" he gestured toward the ship.

"Oh that..." Caboose was recalling the sweet sweet memory of her and him together.

Wash was currently working on the mongooses they needed to get to South. She wouldn't bother them anytime soon.

Church eyed him "You wanna talk about it?"

Caboose was questioning him "I dot know Church"

"What was it like!" Church blurted out.

"I mean I've never seen her without her helmet besides that one time and I'd have to say shes pretty ho- Ow!" Caboose slugged him in the arm before he could finish his sentence. Caboose chuckled.

"Do you see anything with her" Church was completely serious now

"If i die..." Caboose began "I want her to have my orange juice"

Church sat down next to Caboose "What happened to me?" he asked curiously

Caboose turned his head staring right into his eyes "I dont know Church, I dont know"

Church smiled as he put his hand on the privates shoulder "I know Caboose"

At that moment Wash walked into Red base where the blues were talking. She was dressed in a black tanktop and her yellow pants which had grease and grim all over them. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail with a few loose strands.

"Well i got two of the mongooses working" she wiped the sweat from her forhead.

"I thought it was pronunced MonoGeese" Caboose questioned while Church shook his head getting off the floor

"Well Caboose isn't riding with me thats for sure, he'd probaly end up blowing it up by turning it on!"

"Well fine he'll ride with me!" Wash snapped at him "Besides we need to get going right now"


	9. NOT MY FAULT

Caboose was on the back of Wash's mongoose while Church took a separate one.

Washington was driving as fast as she could, She had to get to south before HE did. She had to be the one to take revenge.

They arrived at the very same base that they found Church

Then on a rock with a bubble shield was South!

Wash got off her mongoose and into the battle field

"There they are!" Wash screamed already fireing rounds at the EVA Spartan, The Meta.

Washington screamed again "Don't let it get near her!" Wash took cover behind a rock and Church and Caboose behind a wall "And don't let her get away!" She added making sure that the freelancer wouldn't get away.

"Her? Isn't she a Freelancer like you?"

Wash kept firing rounds "Yeah, just don't let her leave!"

Church nodded his head and turned to Caboose "Caboose!"

"Hello Church" Caboose smile stupidly at him

"Hey, see that purple one?" he pointed to South "She's on our team. You should help her,"

Caboose smiled "Okay"

Caboose stood up and shoots South in the back

Wash smirked. _Remind me to thank him in the nicest way possible later_ she mentally noted herself

South screamed which made Wash smile more

Delta was heard in her armor "Alarm, friendly fire!"

Caboose started to stutter "Um, she got in the way when I was trying to help her," Wash smiled again

The gunfire stopped for a moment and Church shouted "Okay we're good!"

Meta walked forward for a slpit second then vanished.

Wash joined Caboose and Church behind the wall

"Damn. It's gone invisible. Keep an eye on your motion trackers, and watch your perimeters, look for a-"

"It turned invisible? What is this thing?" Church was yelling throwing his arms in the air.

"It takes the equipment of other Freelancers, it must have picked up cloaking from-"

"Wait a second, any equipment?" Church looked around very quickly

"Yes! Why?" Wash confirmed it

"Shit, Wyoming. Cover me!" Church fled the saftey of the wall and was holding his roket lancher dashing diagnaly

"What? Wyoming?" Wash was confused she turned to Caboose "Caboose, cover him. Grab those spike gernades" she pointed to a pair right next to them

"No! Don't let Caboose help me!" Church yelled again

The Meta Meta appeared in the middle of the battle feild and fired very large shells at Church whpo was running like crazy

"How 'bout a little help out here?"

Washington nodded to no one "On it. Caboose! Toss that grenade!" Caboose crouched aimed and threw but unfortunetly the gernade landed right on the wall in front of them it sat there for a few second when Wash commented

"That was the worst throw, ever. Of all time" Caboose shrugged "Not my fault, someone put a wall in my way" Wash and Caboose both jumped the wall as the grenade goes off, propelling them higher, at the same time as Church fires a rocket at the Meta's head. A second later it was gone.

Wash landed "What? Where did it go, what happened?" She had heard something and it felt alot like her dream It was a growl. But not in anger.

Caboose improvised "You don't remember? You threw a grenade that landed in between us. But don't worry, I saved you"

"It used Agent Wyoming's stupid time thing from the ship! What's wrong with you, why didn't you tell us it could use equipment?" Church approached Wash screaming again

"Why didn't you tell me that Wyoming was on the ship?" Wash yelled back

"And why didn't someone give me something to yell about!" Caboose yelled behind her

Wash could hear South groan. She glanced at her she was badly wounded with a shot to the stomach from Caboose

"Delta, are you here?" Wash sounded frantic

Delta appeared as a hologram in front of the Trio "Affirmative, I am undamaged. However Agent South is seriously wounded. May I suggest moving me to a new host?"

"I don't trust her anyway." Wash nodded to the blues "One of you two take "

Church was backing away "Um... I don't think that I can-Caboose!" Caboose jumped in the air "I'll do it!", " I like meeting new people"

Caboose walked over to Souths limp body and shoves the A.I. in his suit

Washington spoke quickly "Delta, what happened? "Why didn't it kill us?"

Delta shook its head "I am sorry, but I do not have enough data to formulate an answer." "I think we should simply be happy it is gone" Church spoke up "That makes sense to me"

"I also agree with the glowing person. Everyone else sees the glowing person, right?" Wash put a hand on Cabooses shoulder though she said nothing he nodded

Delta contiuned "It is possible the Meta has been injured in some way, and is retreating to repair" Wash was intrueged with this news

"So, if we can find it before it does, we may actually stand a chance of beating it, Either way, I don't think we should be hanging around here"

"Then let's get to it"

This time South finaly spoke from the floor "I can-, I can't walk on my own"

Wash simrked an evil smile "Well I guess you'd better start crawling. If you think I'm leaving you here to escape you've got another thing coming"

Delta addressed Wash "if I may. Before you arrived, South attempted to turn me over to the Meta, to save herself Much like she wounded you to escape in our previous encounter with it. And as I have learned, in our travels, her brother North suffered a similar fate"

"What a team player" she spoke sarcaticly

"It is highly probable that she will turn on us again soon, and in her current physical state, she will only hamper our progress"

"What are you suggesting?"

Delta almost smiled if he could "That we do not allow her to hamper our progress"

Wash nodded and loaded her pistol and aims it at South

South coughed andlaughed "Oh come on, Wash. What're you gonna do, shoot-"

Wash shoots her right in the face and South fell over dead.

"Dude, you guys are some cold mothers" Church shivered

Caboose commented "I just want everyone to know that I have no problems walking. And I take full responsibility for the grenade incident!"

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**Hey guys i really need more reviews so if you could please review im going to make some Sarge/Wash chapters soon! Please i need to keep going so i need enthusiasum tell me what you honestly think of the story there will be several season sequals by the way when this is done. Oh you guys get to vote on who will get Wash ultimetly Sarge, Caboose, Maine, or even in the sequal like for gods sake id even take Tucker if he had enough votes anyone except Church and id even do a minor FEMALE slash**


	10. MEME

Everyone just stared at Souths dead form and only when Church spoke did they tear their eyes away from the horrid sight. "Okay. I have a great idea. Let's all put down our guns, and not shoot anyone else that we're trying to help,"

Washington rolled her eyes "Relax."

Church had a steady tune that was terrible therpy "Exactly. Let's all relax,"

Wash was used to there stupid situations "Church, Agent South had already shot me in the back once before, and she tried to give up Delta to the enemy. I wasn't going to wait around to see if she decided to do it again,"

Church contiuned to poorly try to calm her down "Right, okay sure..."

"Stop talking to me like that," Wash snapped at him

"We're not talking to you like anything,"

"No-one is talking to you like this..." Caboose added

"You don't need to treat me like that. I'm not crazy, okay? I'm totally completely sane. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go blow up this dead body," Wash turned away from the blues and approached Souths body

Church contiuned "Hey hey uh, uh, green guy,"

Caboose resorted "I'm blue,"

"Delta." Church corrected Caboose

"Oh him,"

Delta activated in Cabooses armor "Hello. How may I be of assistance?"

Church leaned in "Hey yeah, uh, what's the deal with her?" he jerked a thumb in Wash's direction

Behind the blues Wash shoots the body several times with an assault rifle

"Destruction of unused armor or equipment is standard recovery procedure."

"Yeah, no, I mean is she like a whack-job or what?" Caboose glared at Church

Wash tosses a plasma grenade at the body, and it blows up

"Are you aware of her experience with Epsilon?"

"Epsilon, oh you mean her A.I.?"

South's body is well and fully on fire, completely engulphed in flames

Delta conitued "Correct. Epsilon was an... unstable intelligence unit that had to be deleted. Its integration with Washington's mind concerned our superiors."

Wash over Cabooses shoulder threw things and planted homade esplosives

Church cotiuned "What do you think?"

"I believe that Agent Washington's sanity is well within acceptable deviations, for now," Delta responded

A larger explosion involving several crates, then another happened behind them

"I'm filled with confidence." Sarcasm dripping in his voice

Washington approached the blues cracking her knuckles and popping her back "Okay, all done. Delta, I called Command. They wanted me to pass along condolences at South's passing," she smiled devilishly

"Thank you. I will be sure to archive that sentiment." The AI spoke

Church was wary "What did you tell them?"

Wash rolled her eyes and put her hand on Cabooses shoulder giving him a gentel squeeze

"I told them Caboose did it. Apparently they already have a shortcut on their keyboard for reporting his team kills,"

Caboose perked up "Control F U," he memorized

Washington started to laugh and stopped when Church looked at her funny "I would have told them you shot her, but, I wanted it to be believable,"

Church raised his voice getting devesive "Hey. My aim is fine,"

Wash laughed again "And yet, the Meta managed to dodge your rocket somehow," she walked past him circleing the two

"No no," Church corrected her "Not dodge. It was there one second, and it was gone the next. That's how I knew it was using Wyoming's power,"

She sighed "And he was on the ship with Tex wasn't he?"

Caboose nodded "His head was,"

And once again she was confused "His _head?"_

Church shook in his armour "His helmet. Not everybody is as twisted as you are, Wash. Tex, took it for some reason." Wash glared at him

"So if the Meta has Wyoming's powers, it's even more powerful than we thought,"

"And as scary as someone thought it was to begin with. Back to square one. _Scary_ square."

_Please Caboose not now._

"So why does it want these A.I. things anyway?" Church questioned

Wash stoped walking in circles "A.I. help us in battle, depending on their functions. We couldn't run half our equipment without them. And if you get your hands on a smart A.I., you can be damn near unstoppable."

"What, like smart like Delta here?" he guestured throwrd Caboose

Wash shook her head "Not exactly. He's just the logical one of the family. Smart means something entirely different for A.I.s than it does for people,"

Caboose sat down on the dirt "Now let's not go throwing around words like smart for no reason,"

"Wash is correct. We are more analogous to what you would call a fragment," Delta confirmed "There is _one_ smart A.I. in the Freelancer program," He contiuned

Wash tried to shut him up "Delta-"

"The Alpha is a fully formed-"

"Delta! That's enough,"

Church was suddenly interested "What's Alpha?"

"The Alpha A.I. It's nothing, it's a myth. A fairy tale," Wash shook her head very stiffly

Delta just had to speak again "It is hardly a myth. Agent Washington, you _must_ have memory of the Alpha-"

"DELTA! Command. Offline!"

"Complying." and Delta was gone. it was silent

"Oh. Sounds like somebody has a secret."

Wash clenched her fists "Shut up Church, I just get tired of hearing these things talk about their Alpha. And you will too. They get obsessed with the idea of it. It seems like it's all they care about sometimes,"

"But what is it?"

"Yes, if it's something really scary, you don't have to tell us," Caboose suffled twoard Wash as if she would protect him

Washington sighed "The whole purpose of the program was the study soldiers with experimental A.I., but rumor has it, they could only ever get one. So they had to copy it. The original was Alpha, then Beta, and so on,"

"They copied them?" Church sounded in disbelif "yeah, I like that. I guess if one is annoying, then twenty of them are gonna be awesome."

"Yes, The copies became obsessed with this idea of the Alpha, the original. In debriefings they would always steer conversations toward the topic of the Alpha. Where it was, if they could see it. Some even took- drastic steps."

"Like, shooting their partner in the head drastic? Or-"

"I told you, she shot me in the back first!" Wash yelled

Caboose sat back down with Wash closely following "And we believe you. Even though we don't think shooting a friend in the back occasionally, is that big of a deal."

"Thanks Caboose" she turned back to Church "Some Freelancers tried to get to Alpha on their own. They broke in to the secret storage facility where it was kept. They almost got to it. After that they shut down the-"

A loud beeping rang through Washs aroumr causeing her to shoot straight up onto her feet. "My recovery beacon!"

Church laughed "Oh, great! We thought the Meta was hurt, but apparently he's just busy killing more of your buddies,"

"Be quiet!"

The lady on the other end was talking in all to familiar lines "Recovery One, come in, level zero come in,"

Caboose put his head on her shoulder she sighed "Go ahead Command,"

"Wash, we have a beacon,"

"I'm getting it too. Do you have coordinates and an ID?"

"Are you sure about this I mean this is how can this be-" the lady was whispering

"Command, you're breaking up on me, please repeat, how what can be-"

"Hold on, I'm not talking to you Wash. And, and you're sure. Okay. It's Agent Maine, Wash."

Her mouth was hanging open "What?"

"Please confirm last transmission Agent Washington,"

"Maine, how can that be? If-"

"Please confirm, Recovery One!"

"Yeah, it's him. It's the Meta."

"What!" Church screamed "The Meta is a _Freelancer?"_

Washington pressed her hand against her helmet "Command. Command, come in! Delta, what's happening?"

"Our transmission is being jammed,"

"Tell me you got the coordinates before we lost it!" Wash wined crossing her fingers while Church was still yelling

"A freelancer!"

"I am sorry, I did not."

"You have got to be kidding me." Church resorted

Delta contuined "I did receive biocom data with the identification though. It appears as though the Meta is experiencing mass power fluctuations,"

"Power?" Washington quirked

"Maybe all that A.I. and equipment can't run on one suit of armor?" Church shrugged

Delta nodded in his hologram "That is an excellent analysis. The Meta is most likely dangerously low on power, and will attempt to augment its energy in some way"

Wash nodded "Then we need to get to it fast. But where?"

There was a very awkward very long silence and Church and Caboose bowed their heads

"We uh, we might know where it's going,"

* * *

**God i love this story so far we have 1 vote Caboose and thats it so make sure to vote for the best fit! Thanks for reading will update very soon remember to vote!**


	11. DISLOCATED

"What! Where?" Wash nearly screamed. She had one last chance on getting HIM, one last chance.

"Its at this windmill thingy" Church tried to explain

"Thingy? Really?" Wash thought everyone was stupid here.

"Meat spin" Caboose blurted out

At that moment Wash lost it.

"I have HAD IT since the day I contacted the REDS! I've been Doubted! I've been lied to! I've HAD IT!"

"Whoa Wash clam down" Church tried to clam her but being Wash she resisted

"NO! I will NOT!" She was shaking very rapidly and her breathing was limited and she was yelling very, very loud.

"Everyone I have met so far is STUPID and doesn't know ANYTHING!"

Church was backing away from her.

"WHAT! AM I CRAZY NOW!" Wash stormed off in the other direction and flew her fist into the gate which bended at her will. But her hands were so fast they wedged in between the opening causing her hand to get stuck.

"AHHHH!" Wash thrashed her hand back and forth to get it out but it didn't budge.

"YOUR GODDAM KIDDING ME!" she shook her hand more and moved violently then she stood there for about four second until she threw herself into the gate, onto her hand, dislocating it.

"FFFFFFF" She bit her lip so hard it started to bleed.

"Um, I think ill just wait for you to calm down." Church sat on a nearby rock. Caboose on the other hand walk right up to Wash who had gotten her hand out. He stared at her palm sticking out in a weird position.

"Are you Okay?" Caboose whispered

_ARE YOU KIDDING ME I pretty much just BROKE my HAND!_

She bit her lip harder "I'm fine"

Caboose reached out and snatched her wrist "No" he shook his head

"Let go" Wash's voice filled with acid

"No" he refused studying her hand

"LET GO!" She demanded

Caboose closed his hand on hers crushing her hand popping the bones back into place

Wash opened her mouth to yell at him but she merely gasped

"Ow" she whispered flexing her fingers

Caboose chuckled "You shouldn't get so mad, I don't like hearing you scream"

Wash grimaced at him "Ya I guess I am crazy after all" she sat down on the dirt burying her face in her hands. Caboose soon followed "I don't think your crazy"

Wash sighed "Its just you guys are so IMMATURE"

Caboose removed his helmet placing it on the ground. He moved his hands trying to remove her helmet.

She stiffened but Caboose just merely stared at her. He eventually stood up and Wash did as well

"I guess we better head out" Her voice was quiet and soft unlike her rage so recently

Church on the other hand stared at the two under his visor his mouth was wide open

* * *

**Thumbs up for Wash getting pissed off! Anyway i got my second review 2 days ago! SO HAPPY i love the title i gave this chapter plz review tell me my flaws and goodys! Goodnight to all and to all a Goodnight**


	12. SUFFOCATED

Church, Caboose, and Wash finally arrived at what appeared to be a power factory. and church was right, it did have a windmill _Thingy._

"Look, there's our cycle. The Meta must be here," Wash pointed ahead to one of the mongooses. surrounded by dead stimulation troopers.

"Yeah because, no-one else in the Military would have a standard issue motorcycle, just like that," Church scoffed

"Also, the piles of dead bodies might have been a clue," Caboose smirked. Washington giggled.

_Only Caboose..._

Wash spotted a ledge along the wall next to them, if she took that route she could be undetected. As for the simulation troopers, well they would have to stay out of any sight. "Just keep your heads down, and your eyes open. I'm going to advance along that wall. You two take Delta and move up along the other side." She layed out her plan pulling out her rifle.

Church pulled out his as well giving a slight nod. "Okay,"

Washington wasn't convinced "Don't use the radio unless it's absolutely necessary,"

Church nodded agin slightly annoyed "Okay,"

Wash still was cautious. "And don't make a move until I do,"

Church spoke louder and a little pissed off "Okay,"

"And no screw-ups this time,"

Church couldn't take it "Okay, are we gonna sit here on the beach all day, or 'r'we gonna go get this thing?"

The freelancer rolled her eyes. ""We only have one chance at this before it gets back to full power. I can't take any chances that you guys are gonna fuck this up,"

Delta interrupted her train of thought from Cabooses armor "Agent Washington, perhaps it would be best if I assisted you in battle rather than helping Caboose,"

She shook her head quickly "No,"

"Statistically speaking, a Freelancer would be much better trained to use my-"

Wash cut him off "I said no. Now get going,". Caboose and Church quickly walk toward the near buildig the freelance pointed out, while washington stuck close to the wall seperate from the others.

Church spoke up while him and Caboose moved upstairs in the building "Pst, hey, Delta!"

Delta answered "Yes. How may I be of assistance?" The troopers moved past a few dead blues.

"Hey, can I ask you a couple questions about this Freelancer program?"

Delta's hologram nodded "Certainly, I will answer what I am capable of answering,"

Church fidgeted "This Alpha thing, wh- why doesn't Washington want you to tell us about it?"

"I believe Agent Washington is uncomfortable discussing our program in any fashion. She was one of the many failures during the implantation process."

Church tilted his head "One of the failures- how many were there?"

Delta didn't hesitate to answer "Several. The Director felt time was limited, and escalated the pace of experiments. I would classify Agent South as another such failure,"

"Ay yeah, but she didn't even _get_ an A.I."

Delta nodded again as Caboose sat down on the ground with Church following. "Correct. Agent South Dakota and her brother North were merely another kind of experiment. What would happen if one agent received an A.I. unit, and the other did not,"

Church chuckled "I guess we found out how well _that_ worked,"

"Precisely,"

"I still can't believe she killed her own brother,"

"She put him in a position to _be_ killed. South rarely worked in a direct fashion," he corrected him

Church laughed again "What a bitch."

"Other experiments like the Dakotas were common towards the end. For instance, Agent Carolina was implanted with _two_ A.I.s at one time,"

Church looked at Delta (Caboose) "Two of them? That would drive me nuts,"

"Indeed. She only functioned for a short time, and not very well while she did. Having three minds at one time proved far too... taxing,"

Church nodded "Well yeah, but if Agent Maine has more than one A.I., wouldn't he be having problems too? Like that Carolina chick?"

"Undoubtedly. Agent Maine's power symptoms are only a small indication of what must be happening _inside_ his helmet."

Church laughed again "Oh great, powerful _and_ crazy. What a winning combo,"

They reached the mechanical room in the initial fade in, and the Meta is there on a lower level with a wire running down his back.

"Warning. Enemy target detected," Delta recited

Caboose smiled "I see it yep, there it is."

Church rolled his eyes and spotted Someone dressed in steel and yellow armor across the room from them

"Yes, thank you for stating the obvious. Look, there's Wash."

"I hope she gives us some kind of-"

"NOW!" The girl threw a plasma grenade and it landed close to the Meta, exploding, and sending him running.

Church sighed slightly annoyed with the girl recent behavior "Signal,"

Wash had her rifle out firing at the Meta who was running straight for Wash.

"Move up!" she screamed.

Then Wash felt something collide with her stomach, sending her to the ground in immense pain. She was only down for a second and she was right back up wrestling with the Ex-agent. He threw her down to the cold floor. her head hit it with a sharp bang probably giving her a concussion. His arms held her down as she tried to wriggle free from his grasp. His weight was on top of her disabling her from breathing. She could hear Caboose call her.

"Wash!" he screamed

The Meta was suffocating her. She gasped for air with out making sounds. He leaned in his helmet inches from her. He growled into her ear. She reached her hand up and shakily touched his helmet.

With her other hand with all the strength she had left, threw her knife into his side causing him to scream out in pain. He took out the knife from his thigh and pressed it to Wash's throat when a small explosion occurred.

He got off of her body and ran out of the room. knife still in hand.

Wash coughed hard and screamed at the blues "Don't just stand there, after it!" She coughed again

Delta whispered something inaudible and Church yelled "Just do it!"

Caboose runs off to the side while Church ran down the steps to Wash who was up and breathing heavily. "Are you okay?"

Wash pointed to a blur running out of the building "There, use your sniper" she gasped

"My rifle?"

"Shoot him!" she screamed

Church pulled his trigger and it hits several feet away on the windmill.

"Dammit!"

The bullet ricochets off of 8 different surfaces (with Church and Wash both following the ricochets with their heads) before finally going through the Meta's calf.

Church was jumping with joy "I got it, yes! Did you see that what a shot! I'm awesome!"

Wash laughed at the blue "It only counts if you call it!"

Church frowned "Oh bullshit!"

They arrive at a blood pool where the Meta was shot. Wash pointed to the blood. "Look, there. Come on. Quietly."

Wash was walking slowly when she heard something ringing in her ears it was tacky sounding polka music or something starts getting progressively louder

"Hey, do you hear something?" Wash asked

Church shook his head "No? Wait, yeah."

"What is that? Music?"

"What?" Church gasped "Oh no,"

"Yahaha, woohoo!" a voice came over them, it was a warthog filled with three reds. one Wash identified as Sarge from blood gulch.

Sarge joined with the yelling "Ah!"

"Crap, what're they doing here?" Church yelled

The maroon one was yelling corny battle cries "Yeah, suck it Blues!"

"It's _Red_ Army! There's nothin's gonna stop us now!" Sarge yelled his eyes locking with Wash's furious beat up face

The reds immediately ran in to a windmill blade and are stopped short.

The orange one yelled "Aw shit wall! Aw fuck this!"

Sarge yelled at the orange one "Dammit! Grif you broke the radio,"

Supposedly Grif yelled back "Good!"

"Who are they?" but she already knew the answer

"They're the Reds from our canyon,"

"Double-fuck, windmill blade!" Grif screamed

Church chuckled at the sight "Look Wash, I don't know how they found us, or why they're here, but we don't have anything to worry about,"

Wash raised her eyebrows

"Seriously. Not a thing. These guys are idiots. They can't do anything right."

The gun on the back of the Warthog cocks.

"Uhm, we might wanna take cover," Wash grabbed Churches hand and lead him into a building

The maroon one on the turret started firing rounds

"Yeah, take it Blue! Suck it! Yeah, that's right!"

"Let's go! Assholes!" He yelled again

Washington looked around the room for a second to see if they had any weapons when something in her mind clicked. Something bad.

"Wait a minute, where's Caboose?"

* * *

**Sorry that i haven't updates for a week now i was just so busy, when schools out im gonna work on this non stop!**

**So did you hate it, like it, sad faced it? Please Review on how i did or if you have anycute lines for them to say and Sarge/Wash chapters are coming up VERY soon. And the reviews they help me write better and quicker so review!**


	13. I AM GOD

"Where did _these_ guys come from?" Wash yelled over the loud sounds of then turret

"I have no clue!" Church screamed back.

"Do you think they're working with the Meta?"

Church stared at his dumb founded "_Working_ with them? These guys don't do much working of _any_ kind, so... no,"

Washington scanned the area and her eyes fell upon a cobalt blue solider limp on the balcony above "Look, there's Caboose," She pointed at him

"Is he dead?"

"Hold on. Let me pull up the biocomm. Check his pulse rate," Wash hoped to dear god he wasn't dead

Church stared at her "Uh... you can monitor our vitals?"

Washington shrugged "I can check on the whole squad during combat. Keeps me up to date. It doesn't work on you for some reason,"

Church was speechless for a moment "Yeah uh ah, sure there's a... perfectly, logical, explanation for that," He was very hesitant on his words

Wash sighed "We need to get to him. My HUD says he's alive but hurt."

Church ducks out of their cover and fires up at Caboose, then comes to join Wash "How 'bout now?"

Wash was wide eyed at him "Are you CRAZY!" he shrugged "Oh and you missed him"

Church frowned "Fuck! Sun was in my eyes,"

Sarge was screaming orders at Simmons who was firing at the recovery team

"Simmons, keep firing. Don't let up!" He could see the skinny form of Agent Washington hiding behind the barrier. He sighed. He didn't want to kill her, he had to. but something struck in his mind. _We could take her prisoner and kill the blues!_

"Simmons, new plan, we're going to kill the blue with her and interrogate her"

Grif yelled orders to "And get the grenades out there!"

Simmons didn't want to kill the first girl he's seen in a long time anyway

"Yes Sirs!"

Sarge yelled and Grif

"Grif, stop confusing everybody. I'm callin' the shots,"

Grif screamed back "We're the same rank now, I can do whatever I want,"

"You're not qualified to lead in battle!" Sarge shook his head

Grif shrugged "_Qualified?_ How hard could it be? Simmons, you're doing a terrible job, and you should try to win harder. I mean _try_ harder. To win,"

"That was awful," Sarge bowed his head

Grif scowled "I learned it by watching you,"

Simmons piped up "Excuse me Sir,"

Grif and Sarge both turned to the Maroon solider "What?"

Simmons sighed "Never mind,"

"Simmons, aim for his bullets! Try to deflect them in mid air. Grif, come here! Your face can be used as a shield," Sarge was screaming absurd orders at the team

"We have to end this. Caboose is hurt, he could be losing blood." Wash slowly stood up (Behind cover)

"Ah, let him be. A little brain damage might actually be good for him," He laughed

Wash was shocked he would suggest such a thing "Well what about Delta? The Meta could have grabbed him, or he _could_ be trying to-"

All at once the factory seems to stop. The power went out.

Church looked around "What was that?"

"Oh no," Wash buried her face in her hands

The power comes back on. and the windmill starts spinning again.

"The Meta! He must be powering up. We can't waste any more time with this nonsense." Wash stepped out of the cover causing the turret fire to stop "Red Team. Attention, Red Team. Cease fire. Cease, fire," Her voice was amplified.

Church nudged her "Hey how do you do that megaphone thing with your voice?"

"It's a voice amplifier. It's standard issue, all our suits have one." She whispered

"They do?"

Sarge yelled out to the agent "What do you want?"

Grif joined in "Yeah, what do you want?"

"Shut up, Grif!" Sarge yelled

Grif smirked "That's shut up Grif, _Sir_."

Washington spoke again "We are not your enemy. My name is Agent Washington. I am part of a special task force-"

Church's voice over lapped her own with his voice amplifier "Testing, te- _holy shit, it does work!_ This is badass."

Wash punched him hard in the shoulder "Stop that!"

Church rubbed his arm and held his ears while the two microphone made a VERY loud ringing noise "Ah! Don't use that thing right next to me. You're killing my ears!,"

Sarge laughed "Wahoh no, we're not fallin' for _that_ again,"

Wash ignored his statement "I am a special agent. From Command!"

"And this is the voice of God. Give up your evil ways. Join the Blue Team-" Church said in a low silly voice

Washington punches him again throwing a giggle fit

"Ow! Hey come on, seriously, you're gonna break it,"

Sarge doubted she was from command but he was looking for an excuse to not shoot her "Haw yeah, well, if you're Command, then you'd know our secure code word, wouldn't you?"

Wash sighed "What? Oh right. Hold on one sec." She contacted the command data base and frowned along with another giggle "The code word is... code word?"

"Baw, dahngit," he shook his head in defeat

Simmons whispered i n sarges ear "Sir, what did I tell you about that?"

Sarge took a few steps forward lowering his shotgun "Alright men, stand down,"

Grif scoffed "_Stand down?_ We outnumber them three to two. That's like a three with a two, that's thirty-two percent advantage. You carry the one,"

Simmons stared mouth open at Grif "I don't wanna know how you came up with that, but you're actually right. What do you care though, I thought you loved giving up in the middle of battle,"

"Doesn't mean I wanna die,"

Sarge interrupted them "Gentlemen. She knows the code word. There's nothin' we can do,"

_"Everybody_ knows our code word!"

"Alright, let's try negotiating. Grif, I want you to get out there. See what they want. But first leave your weapons and armor here so they don't feel threatened. Check that; take your weapon and give it to them,"

"No. Sarge, you may not think that I'm a good leader, but something about those Blues just doesn't feel right. And I have an uncanny sixth sense. So if you won't help me, I'll just have to get the local Reds to. This guy looks legit. Maybe he can help." He started walking toward a massive big red next to a jeep.

"Grif, get back here! You don't know anything about those soldiers. To them Blue could be Red, or Red could be Blue or, they could be an opposite map," Sarge yelled after him

"Shut up old man, and watch how a real leader works. Hey there, soldier! What's your name?"

{}

Church turned toward Wash

"Man. It got pretty quiet out there. You don't think they're really working with the Meta, do you?"

Grif runs by the building being chased by a tumbling jeep

"Oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God oh God!" He screamed running for his life

"No." was all she could say

* * *

**UGGGh! i Finished this chapter along with the last chapter in the SAME day! Me and Wash have alot in common... I'm a girl though**

**So... Did you love it, did you hate it, did you sad face it? Reviews! PLZZZZZ Reviews, Reviews, Reviews for me please!**


	14. DISTRACTIONS

Church was laughing at the struggling Grif "Oh my God, that guy got fucked up!"

Grif yelled behind the now still warthog "What the hell was that!"

Church stopped laughing "Aw, he lived? That's bullshit,"

"Grif, if I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, you gotta pay attention in battle! You can't let yourself get distracted by- oh crap, flying jeep." Sarge was cut off by the Warthog flying toward them.

"Run!" Simmons screamed and Grif, Sarge, and simmons started running to the reovery teams cover while objects were thrown at them.

"Well. Guess they're definitely not workin' together," Church sighed

"Now that he's powered up he's just killing everything. We're next," Wash pointed out

Sarge ran into the base squeezing in next to Wash "Excuse me dear mad'am"

Simmons followed him "Yeah come on, skootch, skootch." He slipped in front of Church

Church's face was probaly red under his helmet "Hey. Get out of here Reds. This is our cover,"

Simmons ignored him "What is that thing?"

Church spoke up "You guys remember Tex?"

_Agent Texas? _Wash thought

"Yeheah, the girl who kicked our asses all the time?"

_Definitively__ Agent Texas._

Church laughed "Yeah well this thing's like, eight of her,"

Washington gave a bad report "It must be at full power now. Church, you and the Reds keep it busy. I'm going to help Caboose,"

Washington runs off to the building to fetch the blue solider.

Simmons frowned "Did she say keep it busy?"

Church frowned as well "Yeah..."

"How the hell do we do that?"

Sarge smiled "Looks like Grif is doing a pretty good job already," He watched as more object came raining down upon the orange solider.

"Okay I get it! Stop throwing things at me you fucking jackass!" Grif screamed

"Keep up the good work, Grif!" Sarge yelled sup-portly to Grif

Wash arriving at Caboose's limp body. She got on her knees and shook his body

"Caboose. Are you okay?" she whispered

No answer.

"Caboose. Dammit. Delta, are _you_ here? Delta?"

Still no reply

Wash activates her radio and speaks

"Church, I have Caboose. He's hurt, but I'm going to keep him alive with a healing unit. How are you doing with the Meta?"

"Eheee! We're dying!" was being screamed through her headset

Washington sighed "Oh great,"

Wash picked up a chaingun and started to fire at it when it disappeared.

_Damn you __Wyoming!_

"It's gone! Dammit! We almost had it!"

"Almost had it? We never even _hurt_ it!" Simmons rolled his eyes

Church growled "He means _before_ you got here! We had it crippled and you guys showed up and fucked everything up!"

Sarge laughed "Aw yeah. You guys looked like you had _every_thing under control before we got here,"

"Hey up yers Red. I don't see you doing anything heroic,"

Simmons gritted his teeth "It threw our car at us." he paused on each word

"I'm fine by the way, just in case anyone's wondering." Grif spoke up

"Well, the three of you are staying with us now. I can't possibly hope to fight the Meta in this state with just Church and"

"Caboose!" Wash and Church yelled in unison

They all ran up the steps to Caboose who was sleeping peacfully

"Wash, what's the verdict?"

"I don't know. He _seems_ okay. I think he was knocked out, I just can't get him to come out of it," She shook the private.

Caboose mumbled something.

"What's he mumbling?"

Church shrugged "I can't make it out, but... I don't really understand half the stuff he says normally."

"This makes no sense. All his vitals check out. Now why can't I revive him? Hey do you guys know a medic around here by any chance?"

"NO!" all the reds screamed at the same time

"Well maybe removing Delta did something to him. Like a, duh a coma or somethin'." Church suggested

"Yeah, but there's no way to know that for sure. Unless you have a way to see inside his head. Prep him for evac, I'll put in a call to Command and get an extract going. This is Recovery One calling Command. Come in Command..."

Washington wandered off up the ramp

After a few moments Simmons approached Wash draping his arm around her shoulder, which she threw off.

"Hey Agent Washington, I think it turns out we _do _know a medic after all. But he's really far away. Maybe if we run around this corner right here we'll get better reception,"

Wash looked at him funny "That doesn't seem to make sense" but she followed him around the corner anyway.

"So, who's this medic?" she questioned

"Um..." Simmons pondered for a moment "I think his name is Doc"

Wash knew he was hiding something "I know there is something your not telling me," she spoke suddenly

Simmons froze "I, i.. ugh..."

Wash put her hands on her hips "Well?"

"I can't tell you" he frowned looking down

_Don't look there! _He looked back at her eyes not wanted to be caught staring at her legs.

"Simmons, seriously is there something that i don't know?" She took off her helmet revealing her out of regulation hair.

Simmons studied her face for a moment. She had long red hair and her face was sickly pale, full of fresh cuts and brusies

_Damn_

"Simmons?" She snapped her fingers

"Wha?"

Wash rolled her eyes and turned to walk back to the others.

"Wait!" Simmons called after her but it was to late.

Wash was staring at the ghost of Lenard Church hovering over Cabooses body.

Grif cleared his throat "Uh, dude?" church turned toward wash

"Yeah, turns out I'm not so good at distracting," Simmons weakly smiled

Church held out his hands as if Wash was going to attack him "Wash, don't panic, I can explain,"

Wash just stared at him her face (Helmet still off) showed only shock.

Grif cut in "Yeah, see when Simmons was boring you with random conversation about nerd stuff, he was really just trying to distract you from what the blue guy here was doing,"

Sarge smacked Grif on the head "He means explain the fact that he's a ghost,"

"Oh, right. Yeah, he can explain that part too,"

"Idiot,"

Wash still did not utter a word for she was as still as a stone. Her legs gave way and she blacked out. She would have hit the floor if someone had no caught her a second before impact.

* * *

**ZOMG Who caught her? read next chapter to find out! And you see i put a little Simmons/Wash in there. Hes going to show obvious signs of ****interest but its up to you to vote who WASH falls in love with! Put vote in your Review.**

**Wow i did 3 chapters in 1 day!**

**So, did you love it, did you hate it, did you sad face it. Reviews, ****Reviews, ****Reviews for me don't FORGET!**


	15. HERO

Wash's head spun and she felt like she was going to throw up. She could hear voices.

"Is she okay?" a southern accent rang in her ear

"No, she passed out" a sarcastic voice

"You scared her to death" the quick and thoughtful one said

"Well you were supposed to keep her busy"

"What is going on," Wash croaked, she opened her eyes and tried to sit up

Church's voice held her back and she started struggleing against his grip "Wash, stay calm. We can explain,"

Wash sat bolt up right and was staring at the four faces watching her "What happened?"

Grif laughed "You saw Ghosty over here and fainted, and Sarge just had to go hero and saved you" He used air quotes over the words "saved".  
Wash took in a sharp breath "When were you gonna tell me about this?" she looked behind her at Sarge who she was leaning against.

"You don't have to stop now" he smirked

Church sighed "Okay, maybe I should start from the beginning. You see, Caboose here, killed me by accident once. Well actually, more than once,"

Caboose mumbled on the floor "Not my fault. Tucker did it,"

_Who's Tucker?_

"Shut up," Church told Caboose

"He killed you. As in... dead," She repeated dumbfounded

Sarge continued "Then we reached an agreement. I built Blue over here a new body-"

Church cut in "Agreement? More like we kicked your ass, and you didn't have much of a choice of what you wanted to do,"

Sarge clenched his fists into tight balls "Who kicked what now?"

"What're you an idiot?" Simmons joined in

Sarge had his teeth clenched and wanted to punch the closest thing next to him but he resisted because that "Thing" was Wash. "You wanna take that back,"

Church scoffed "You guys totally gave up!"

Grif narrowed his eyes "Bullshit,"

"That was the time that Texas kicked your asses all over-"

"Stop. Focus. How did you build him a body?" Wash interupted

"With a robot kit of course. I'd already used ours to build our helper. Lopez." Sarge gleamed

_Was that that Spanish speaking robot?_

"And a mighty fine job you did too, Sir." Simmons piped in

Grif shook his head "Yeheah, it's always great to have a helper no-one can understand. Blue Team hadn't used theirs for some reason, and they even had an extra. We used that for your buddy uh, whats-er name.

Washington was looking at them like they were aliens "And that didn't strike anyone as odd? That you would have a kit to build a robot that looks like a soldier?"

Simmons shrugged "That's just standard issue equipment. Right?" his voice had a little bit of doubt in it.

_"What? No._ Have you ever run in to anyone else who has one?" Wash pointed it out. Like seriously who just has a kit that builds a robot! they were simulation trooper not scientists.

Simmons looked down, slightly ashamed "We don't really get out that often,"

"Okay, If they're so rare, then why did Command send us upgraded ones when we were told to ship out to Rat's Nest?" Sarge pointed a finger to Wash's face

Church was interested "You guys went to Rat's Nest too?"

Sarge nodded "I used some of the spare parts to spruce up Lopez,"

"Spare parts? Did you fix his voice thing?"

_They must be talking about when the robot only speaks Spanish._

Sarge was stumped "You know, I didn't even think about that until just this second. Kind of obvious in hindsight. Probably best not to mention it to him if you see him,"

Simmons chuckled "Meh, he wouldn't understand anyway,"

Church laughed "Your team sucks,"

Sarge's voice turned gruff "At least our robot isn't the leader of our team. Bluebot."

Caboose finally woke up and sprang in to the conversation "Hey! That's not nice. He means us right?"

Church nodded "Yes, and shut up."

Washington put up a hand to stop them "Stop it! I can't stand this. No more bickering. You have to be the most immature soldiers I've ever met! And while were trying to stop the Meta i will not stand to hear any more of your stupid comments"

Grif grimaced and flipped her the bird "Your face is immature,"

Wash sighed "Shut up. From now on everyone just keep quiet and don't talk unless I ask you a question. That's an order. I need to figure this out," she rubbed her fingers on her temples

"Hold on, you can't order us around!" Sarge pouted

Wash rolled her eyes at him "Yes, I can,"

"What's your rank?" He asked suddenly

Wash laughed "Hmy rank? You still don't get it, do you? H-you think you're real soldiers? You're not. You guys are nothing."

Grif rolled his eyes too "Whatever. Your face is... nothing,"

Washington continued to lecture them "We used your outposts as testing grounds. _Practice_. You never noticed that you never had anything to do unless a Freelancer showed up, or you made a call to Command?"

Sarge was a little bit quiet "You're makin' that up,"

"Am I? Think about it. Name one thing that ever happened to you that wasn't directly preceded by Command calling you, or sending someone to your base. One thing. ...Anything? No? I thought so." Wash poked his chest with each sentence

"You three go assess the vehicles. See if you can find some trail of the Meta while you're at it." she pointed to the reds

Simmons smirked a cocky smirked "Ooh, finally a take-charge leader! I like it!"

"Shut up," Grif and Sarge both said in usion

Washington spoke to Church next

"Church, get back in your armor. You're just going to draw attention to yourself like that,"

"Fine. But first-"

"No, no first, get in your armor." She cut him off

Church protested "I really think I should tell you what it is-"

Washington shushed him

Church finally blurted it out "_I have a message from Delta,"_

Wash's eyes widened and she scolded him "Delta? Why didn't you tell me?"

Church sighed "Oh come on, seriously?"

"How did you get in contact with him?"

Church pointed to the blue combat solider who sat on the ground staring at them like they were animals "He left a message for me in Caboose's head. Actually for me to give to you. I guess he figured out I would get in there and find it,"

Washington looked confused "How would he know that? Did he know what you are?"

"Well _I_ didn't tell him. But he seemed pretty smart. Maybe he just put two and two together," Church guessed unsure of his answer

"Four!" Caboose yelled out

Church rolled his eyes

_Why do they keep doing that?_

"That wasn't a test,"

But Caboose was sure he was being tested "Yes it was, I won A-plus."

Washington turned back to Church "What was the message?"

Church swallowed and spoke clearly "He said Memory is the key."

"Memory is the key" She repeated "Did he say anything else?"

Church shook his head "Nothing important."

Caboose was interested in their conversation but didn't understand what they were saying.

"Memory is the key? What does _that_ mean?"

"He said Wash would know,"

"Memory is the key," She repeated to herself

"Yeah I know, it didn't make any sense to me either. Just sounded like some kind of stupid riddle or somethin'."

Washington faced Church "Gather your gear. We're leaving. Now."

Caboose frowned "I think she's angry because of what you said to her."

Church laughed "Hihyeah. If I knew it was gonna make her leave I would've said it sooner,"

Wash shook her head "I'm going to check on the reds" she said heading down the ramp and approaching Sarge who was digging through a over turned jeep

Washington tapped on his shoulder "What's the status of the vehicles?"

Grif was sitting on the ground "You could have asked nicely,"

Wash smirked and kicked him "You're right, I could. Report,"

Sarge chuckled at the injured Grif "They're all busted. We could probably fix one by takin' parts from all the others. That's one of my specialties. Gonna take a while though,"

"How long?"

"Couple-a days,"

She shook her head again "No time. We need to start moving ASAP. And we need six seats. You're gonna have to get me two jeeps in a few hours,"

Sarge stood up from his work "No can do. Not gonna happen,"

"Then we'll have to get them somewhere else. And I know exactly where we can find them,"

Church was behind her now "Why, where are we going?"

Washington looked away in the distance "Delta was right. Memory _is_ the key,"

"But what does that mean?"

"It means that only one thing remembers everything about these A.I. and where they come from. It will know how to stop them. We need to unlock the Alpha,"

Church looked shocked "The Alpha?"

Wash nodded and turned back to the boys "And that means we're going home,"

she paused "We're going to Command,"

* * *

**Okay so what do you think?**

**Did you love it, Did you hate it, Did you sad face it? Reviews, Reviews, Reviews for my mistake and awesomeness. Also reviews make me write better and faster.**

**Ya i did four freaking complete chapter in two freaking days! isn't that amazing i would have never thought that possible!**

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**Ya i really really love this story, its like my life priority now. i just can't stop writing, anyway sorry i haven't updated in a while. And if you have noticed im just writing a very long Authors note so i can get 20,000 words so hhuuuummmmm...**

**Im getting straight A's now so thats good... 30 words left... Um i relized that johnny Depp is the BEST and HOTTEST actor "Of All time" (Red VS. Blue) 10 words left to go! I've came here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum**


	16. SHELL OF YOU

Wash and Church sat on the hill at Vahalla outpost 16-b watching in horror as the reds failed to get them a jeep. She could hear them screaming things like "The guns jammed"

Washington sighed in defeat "I _knew_ this plan wouldn't work," she put her hands in her face, muttering slightly.

Church leaned against a nearby tree. "We all knew this plan wouldn't work. None of our plans ever work,"

"That's why we carry guns,"

_Jesus Christ! Caboose!_

"We can get a car, no problem. We're better with vehicles than the Blues, let us handle this. Why did I even listen to them?" She mimicked Sarge

Church chuckled "I told you not to,"

She glared at him "Yeah, well, I already stopped listening to _you_ three bases ago,"

Caboose frowned "Well that's not very-"

Wash smiled "Caboose please we'll talk later" Caboose went silent though he couldn't stop staring at the girl next to him. Wash looked ahead at the reds who were driving in circles around the red base.

* * *

"Force them in to the wall!" Sarge yelled from the passenger seat

"On it!" Grif yelled back flooring the pedal of their jeep

Simmons turned around to see their followers had disappeared

"Where'd they go!"

"Did ya lose 'em?" Sarge asked the driver

"Looks like it,"

They skidded to a stop.

"What in Sam Hell? I don't believe it,"

Grif Took his hands off the wheel and cheered "Well Sarge, I guess you owe me an apology. Turns out I'm not such a bad driver after-"

The other jeep emerged from the base right in front of them

"...all,"

The other jeep's gunner turned the turret toward them, complete with dramatic gun cock

"Aw come on, what the fuck!" Grif screamed once again flooring the pedal resuming their chase.

* * *

"Aw man. That jeep has a really big gun," Caboose whispered

Church smacked him on the head "Don't get any ideas,"

Washington sighed and took out her rifle "Well I guess I'd better get down there and save them. I'm really starting to hate this part of the job,"

Caboose gave her a supportive smile "Well at least you're getting a lot of practice at it,"

Wash smiled back "Thanks, ill try to remember that," she laughed as she started walking to save the others

Church yelled behind her "You know, if we let one or two of 'em die we could probably all squeeze in to one car. Just saying, you should think about it,"

Caboose yelled as well "Oh, and if enough of us die, we can fit on a motorcycle!"

* * *

Simmons yelled with glee "Got it!" He cocked the turret on the warthog

Grif Rolled his eyes "Great, you unjammed the gun? How 'bout you shoot 'em!"

"Grif, just get us out of this! Sarge yelled at the orange combat solider"

Grif hesitated and backed the jeep up, he was eyeing a large hill "Hold on, I wanna try something. I think I can make this jump!"

Sarge raised his voice "Are you insane?" as the jeep went faster and faster toward the ramp "Yeah, fuck this, _brakes!" _He hit the brakes. They skidded to a sideways stop at the edge of a cliff, which the other jeep promptly jumps off of and explodes from gunfire

Grif gulped "Uhuh, we're really high," he eyed the cliff

Simmons thrust his fist in the air "Yeah, got him!"

Wash came sprinting into view behind them "You idiots! We needed that jeep!"

Grif stuck his tongue out at her "Uh yeah, and _we_ needed not to die? What's your point?"

"There's still six of us. Where're we gonna get another vehicle?" She screamed at them

A gunship rises up behind Wash, and everyone turns to look at it

Wash's heart fell "...Oh,"

"Hey, In the future, don't ask for shit,"

Simmons jumped out of the turret "Run!" Wash flew behind a rock and the reds ran toward a tree. Wash turned her head to see one of the gaurds at blue base walk right in.

_Church _ She thought and radioed Caboose

"Dammit." She cursed "Caboose! What is Church doing?" She could see Caboose and a motionless Church on the hill

"Oh, uh, doing? Uh why nothing Agent Washington he's just standing next to me watching you get killed by the giant spaceship,"

Wash knew he was lieing "Oh really. Can you put him on then?"

She could see Caboose shake his head from the great distance "Oh, I don't think so, um, we're, we're playing a game. Uh called, who can hold still the longest. Uhm, it's a fun game we-"

The gunship Threw a rocket near them and caused the ground to shake and Church's body fell over backward

"...I'm going to have to call you back,"

* * *

**Hello my pretties i now have 17 reviews and am happy about it! Starting this chapter im going to be writing responses in my authors note to your reviews!**

**Sakiko of Soleana:**** Thank you for the Red vs blue of all time refrence and for adding me to your Favorites, your review means the world to me!**

**Autobot Trainer: Well in the season there isnt very many scenes with Wash and Meta exept for the end so Wash/Maine is coming up near the end and thats where the most Wash/Maine romance will be. And there is going to be sequels as like season 6, 7, 8, mabey 9, & 10.**

**FreelancerRiley: I will gladly have some orange juice but you can keep the cookie (On a diet), Hey dont worry more Maine and Wash in the end and the next book!  
**

**Panda bear rock star12:**** Im still writing so i will update soon!**

**Jona: Hey Jona surprised you got on fanfiction (I KNow him on xbox live) and thanks for the review and not for the spam!**

**Sgt. Dwang Dawson:**** Why thank you, and yes you caught that Wash is a redhead bravo. Thanks a million!**

**Samtrix2308: Like in the season there will be Wash Meta interactons in the end and if you didnt catch it, Wash was dreaming about Maine in the first chapter, IM WRITING!**

**Keresa: You were my first review ever. THank you thank you, thank YOU! i know its hilarious.  
**


	17. HANDJOB GAME

**"**Hey I have a question, why do we agree to come along on these things if we're just gonna be the decoy the whole time?" Grif yelled from behind a rock

Wash was to busy wondering where Church went she closed her eyes and thought

_"Wheres Tex's body?" Church asked_

_"It's in Blue base according to the prisoner,"_

_"I want to see it,"_

_Click_

"Looks like you have it under control. I'll be right back," Wash muttered walking toward Blue base leaving the Reds to fend for themselves. She could see the other solider go in after the first one who was probably Church. When she got right up to the entrance she could see the second guard holding a rifle at "Church"

"Alright, freeze," He said

"Ahw, what?" The other one whined in an unmistakable Church voice

"They told us to be on the lookout for someone acting odd, and _you're_ acting odd. So hands up," He aimed the Gun at Church

Church put his hands up in defeat "Hehey, buddy, come on. You don't need to be like all-"

Wash ran into the base and hit the Guard with the base of her rifle

"...knocked out,"

The guard smiled "Thanks Wash,"

Washington scrunched her eyes "Church, is that you in there?"

Church held up a finger "Uh yeah, one sec-" and Church's form appeared next to the Guard he was previously inhabiting

"There," Church stretched his arms

The Poor Guard looked around dazed "What happened? I feel kinda..." And he fell over unconscious

"What do you think you're doing in here?" Wash hissed

"I had to see Tex's body I uh," He did an awkward stance "...she's like me Wash,"

"I know all about her Church. Come on, you're not gonna find anything in here," Wash recalled everything about Allison

Church looked around frantically "But where is she? She should be here right? I mean, shouldn't she?"

Wash looked down "We've all lost people Church. What's important, is that you remember her," She said quietly "And what's even more important is that you don't slow me down while I'm in the middle of a mission!" She yelled

All of a sudden there was an explosion from outside

"What now!" Wash yelled

Wash and Church exited the base to see the reds back in their warthog driving around the base being chased by the gunship

"What is going on out here?" She yelled

"What does it look like?" Sarge yelled back as they drove past them

"We're running from the stupid plane!" Grif screamed

She Yelled directly at Sarge cause she knew he was listening "Well, we need to leave. We have a Warthog at Blue Base. We'll take that and you follow me!"

"What about the ship!"

"Well, take it down!"

"Not that simple Sweet-cakes!" Sarge yelled annoyed

Grif drove past them again "If it's so easy, why don't you do it?"

"Fine!" And with that she walked out in the open and started firing at the Hornet getting it's attention

* * *

"Should we help her?" Church asked the now out of warthog Reds

"We could, or we could take bets on how long she's gonna live. I got ten bucks that says it's less than a minute," Grif replied smugly

Church smiled "I'll take that action," Sarge rolled his eyes and looked ahead in his head he hoped she wouldn't die for then they would be stuck explaining this to Command

Wash maneuvered herself up on a cliff. The gunship right behind her. She looked over at Red base and saw a fusion coil next to the gravity lift and shot the barrel in to the lift. And man did it fly right past the Crash sight, the river, the wart hog and right into the ship, bringing it down. In well under a minute

Washington was breathing rather heavily as she approached the Soldiers "Okay, _now_ can we go?"

"You okay?" Sarge questioned

"Ya I'm fine, better than Georgia" Sarge raised an eyebrow

"Long story" Everyone was quiet

"Alright, I need suggestions. The Freelancer Command Facility is an underground complex of secure bunkers and fortified chambers. Let's put our heads together and see if we can figure out a way to get in there,"

Grif spoke up first "I have an idea-"

"And let's not do it is not an acceptable plan,"

"Oh. Well you probably should have said _that _before you asked for suggestions," Grif frowned

"Next idea,"

Simmons spoke up next "Why don't we _call_ Command, and ask them what the proper procedure is for invading their headquarters?"

"Next,"

Then Sarge spoke "How about we build a makeshift nuclear device, and blow the entire place to kingdom-"

"No," Wash interrupted "We have to get _in_ there,"

Simmons tilted his head "Why?"

"Cause we need to unlock the Alpha,"

"The what?"

Church finally jumped in "It's the main A.I. from Project Freelancer. You know all the A.I.s that we've been dealing with over the years? It's where they were all copied from originally,"

Simmons shook his head "You can't copy an A.I."

Grif laughed "The _main one?_ Fuck that. Those things have caused all of our problems. Why would we go looking for the main boss one?"

Church turned toward Wash "That's a good question. Agent Washington? Do you wanna answer that?"

"You'll understand everything soon enough,"

Simmons spoke up "We're not going,"

Wash almost gasped "What? You have to go,"

"Not really,"

"We can't infiltrate Headquarters with just three people. You're coming. That's an order,"

Grif laughed again like it was all just a joke "Order? You're not our Commanding Officer. We don't even know what rank you are,"

"I'm a Freelancer!" She raised her voice

"Not a rank,"

"The other Freelancers never gave orders, they just offered to trade favors," Simmons pointed out

Washington rolled her eyes "Okay, then let's bargain. What do you want,"

The Reds huddled up talking about things they could get from the waiting freelancer she could hear their suggeations

"Three words guys,"

"New base-"

"Gold plated vagina," Wash rolled her eyes

"Shut up,"

"Lasers,"

"Always with that,"

"Nudie mags," Wash felt the urge to punch Grif

"Robots and lasers. Lasers, and robots,"

"Milkshake,"

The Red stood up from their huddle obviously done with the conversation, Wash noticed Simmons was the only one who didn't suggest something

Sarge was the first to say their agreement and he said it with much pride in his voice "Alright, we talked about it, and we figured out what we want,"

Washington sighed "Alright, let's have it,"

Sarge smiled an evil wicked smile at her "We want you to demote Grif,"

"Done," She said it quickly

Grif nearly shouted "_What!"_

Simmons sighed in defeat "Another wasted opportunity,"

Wash smiled at the orange solider "Congratulations. You are now _Private_ Grif again,"

Sarge Interrupted her "Got anything lower?"

"Private, _Junior_ Grif?" She said it like a question

Sarge smiled his wicked smile again Wash could see in her head him withering his fingers doing an evil laugh "I was thinkin' something with an insulting adjective, or... maybe a demeaning adverb..."

Wash was silent for a moment and then the idea clicked her "How about, Minor _Junior_ Private Grif, negative first class?" She asked hopefully with a dazzling smile

Sarge walked over to Wash and tipped his helmet "Heh heh, I like the way you think my Lady"

Wash giggled and quickly regretted it for the other guys were staring at her.

"Wow, and i thought she was just a mindless robot" Church Laughed

"You realize you just doomed us to certain death just so you could insult me, right?" Grif asked in disbelief

"Hey if we do get killed at least we'll go out on a high note. Well everybody but you. That's to be expected, you haven't had a high note in five years! Why break the God damn streak," Sarge laughed at the insult

Wash cleared her throat to cover up the fit of giggles that threatened to escape her throat "We still need to figure out how we're getting in there,"

Caboose spoke up "Miss Washington? I have an idea,"

Washington turned her head "Should i ask Caboose?"

Church shrugged "I don't know, _Caboose?_ An idea? I think he's bluffing,"

Caboose shook his head "No uh, it's a really good idea. _We drive there,"_

Wash Couldn't take it she bust up, She was laughing, more than she has in a long time.

Church sighed at the sight

"Yeah, he was bluffing,"

"We're going to Freelancer City, right? The place where Freelancer's from. And this is a Freelancer car! If they think that we are Freelancers, because we are in their car, they will just _let us_right in!"

Washington managed to say in her fit "But you don't _look..._ like Freelancers... Or Recovery Agents,"

Caboose smiled widely and it made Wash want to melt "They can't see inside of a tank,"

"Okay, i think that Cabooses idea was best" -the guys laughed- "So me and Church will take the warthog and the rest of you will take the tank, now we leave in 20 minutes!" and with that She headed off to go get the tank.

It was only until she got behind the Tank did she talk "Why are you following me?"

"Well I wanted to say that was some mighty fine fighting out their" Sarge moved behind the tank as well

"Why thank you," She ignored him when he got a little closer

"Now how did a pretty little lady get in the military" He sat up on the Tank

Wash sighed she knew someone was going to ask her "I enlisted at 19, i don't know they just found me and then we had those A.I.s and..." She trailed off

"Well i heard Church talking about something about your A.I."

"Ya Epsilon, he kind of broke"

"Broke?"

"Ya when i had it, i had to go through so much Psychology" Her voice dropped "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Talking to me, questioning me? Nobody pays attention to me" She frowned and she felt tears flow so she took off her helmet letting her red hair flow

"Cause i want to know you" He held up a hand and wiped off a tear from her face

"Thanks but i need to get back to something," She shook off his hand and put back her helmet on

She walked back to the base to see Grif and Church doing an Arm Wrestling match. She could see that Grif was losing. and a second later his hand hit the table.

"Arm Wrestling hu?" She raised an eyebrow "You know i always did like someone who could cancel someone out, i remember Main and-"

"Me next!" Caboose yelled and he pushed Grif out of the way to face Church who was laughing

"You sure Caboose, i am a robot after all" But Caboose just nodded and placed his arm up which Church took and they placed them ready.

"Ready?"

Caboose nodded

"Set?" Church rolled his eyes

"GO!"

We heard the smack as the hand hit the metal box they were using

"Oh, my gosh" Grif gasped

"What the..." Simmons stared

But the winner was jumping up and down in front of Wash "I beat him at the hand job game!"

* * *

**Hello again ya go CABOOSE and you see i slipped some Sarge Wash in there but since nobody voted for poor Sarge he got rejected and Caboose/Wash is in next Chapter! And now im giving you guys the chance to sorta help me out just put a suggestion for what you want to happen and i might put it in!**

**So Write a review!**

**Or Caboose will find you!**

**and wreck your car...**

**destroy your house...**

**and most importantly...**

**Steal your cat**


	18. OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE

**I do not own Red Vs Blue but i do own the idea of Wash as a girl _So far_ and i'm sorry this chapter is so short but i just had to get it in there about how Caboose is so cutely brain damaged And yes that is the true story.**

"Caboose!" Wash yelled as he flung himself at her knocking them both to the ground. He was pressed against her and she was laughing. "Now why does this look familiar?" Caboose frowned

"Why does what look..." he seemed to be lost in thought "Oh! that," He smiled

"Caboose?"

"Yes," he spoke dreamily

"Can you get off of me please?"

"Oh," he frowned and rolled over

Wash looked up to see four pairs of eyes watching her. "What?"

"Really?" Grif asked "You could have chosen any one of us, but you chose Caboose!"

"What in Sam hell?" Sarge sounded more mad than surprised

"Caboose," Church questioned "No fucking way,"

"Look Church," Caboose said wrapping his arm around Wash "Now we're like you and Tex!"

"Caboose, we have about ten more minutes until we have to go..." She got up walking toward the Blue base with Caboose close on her heels.

"Oh my god..."

"Is this a joke?"

"What the fuck?"

"Are they going to have sex?"

Church shook his head "No apparently he thinks babies come from storks, so they'll probably just make out again"

"Again!" Sarge whispered

"Oh it's a long story"

"We've got 10 minutes"

* * *

"So, Caboose how did you end up here?" Wash didn't try anything yet

"Oh cause you lead me into here"

"No i mean the military, i read your files, Caboose what happened with the mugger?" Wash whispered quietly

Caboose thought hard "Well me and Riley were walking through the city and a nice big man who had a knife wanted to look at her purse and when he wouldn't give it back i ended up in the place with nurses and they said i had a con- concussion" He smiled a crooked grin at her. Wash had tears in her eyes. "Miss Washington?" he asked with concern. When she didn't answer he took off his helmet revealing his blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

She turned her head "Caboose..." but before she could protest he was removing her helmet and staring into her amber eyes

"You won't be needing that," he whispered and he leaned in to graze his lips onto hers. She kissed him gently back.

He started to remove her chest piece "Or that"

He moved his hands to her leggings "Or this"

* * *

**BIG A/N: MUST READ!****Okay Guys I'm going to be writing several other ****squeals to this story don't read any of them until your done with this one, EXCEPT Washington's Feminine Side: Before RVB, it is the freelancer story with some FemWash/North, FemWash/York, and FemWash/Maine. The order that i put those in does not matter actually i would like you guys to comment Who should be the main paring. There will be other shipping cause you get to vote go ahead, York, North, or Maine. I'm thinking about writing a one shot about FemWash/Tucker what do you think?**

**Okay the most recent review i got was from 2 guests and here is for them**

**Guest: You know i think i will take you up on that offer and make a jealousy scene**

**sO REview right now!**

**Or i will give you special glasses...**

**that are so cool**

**your head explodes**

**it works well on my mother GOODNIGHT!**


	19. WHISPERS IN MY HEAD

**Hey readers i just wanted to say I'm making a squeal to this and then a before RVB story with FemWash in it. Oh and i'm thinking about making another genderbender but with Church, what do you think? I'll be setting up a poll on my profile by the time this chapter is published so vote for who FemChurch should end up with (I'm thinking Caboose, Tucker, or one of the reds, Wait thats like all of them DERP)**

* * *

Wash drove the wart hog up to the Operational Command Center with a tank full of reds and a Caboose right behind her.

"There's no, way, this plan is gonna work," Church moaned from the passenger seat, in one of the guards from Vahalla.

"Just stay quiet. Follow my lead," Wash shushed the Blue

"Grif! Get off me, you weigh a ton," Sarge complained from the tank, Wash could hear all of the others struggling behind them.

"Stop pushing me!" Grif practically shouted "Ow!"

"Okay guys, it's hard enough to fit in here ohl! Whll- Who did that?" Simmons voice came up

"Alright, whose hand was that? Is Donut in here?"

"I can't breathe," Caboose squeaked, Wash closed her eyes. If those idiots end up killing Caboose all hell will break lose. Wash handed the guard at the gate her identification and why she was here.

"Alright. Uh, story checks out. Looks like there was a new incident at Outpost 17B. Glad you fellas made it out okay," he said

"Yeah, thanks," She gave a fake smile from under her visor

Church twiddled his fingers nervously "Yeah, it was crazy. We lost a lot of good men. Especially Joe, Joe Johnson. He was a great guy. I remember he had a girl back home named... Fritzy,"

Washington softly hit his arm "Stop embellishing. They already believe us,"

Church wouldn't let up "He also had a dog named Mister Chomps. Anyway he's dead now, it's sad,"

The guard looked at him weird "You're clear now. So drive on to Building 3," he point the way

"Understood. Thanks Soldier," Wash tipped her helmet and driving forward with the tank trailing close behind

"Can't believe that worked" Church whispered

"Yeah. Seemed like it was too easy,

Church laughed once they were out of ear shot "Wash, you're gonna learn when you work with us, there's no such thing as too easy. You're just being paranoid,"

Washington smiled "Yeah. You're probably right,"

XxX

After getting past security the small group (Except Wash) started to celebrate

"Alright, we got in, but that's only part of our mission. So no celebrating yet," Wash specifically was talking to Caboose who's head imminently dropped.

"Aw shit, and I was gonna be in charge of confetti," Grif grummbled

"We still need to reach the A.I. storage facility. Security's tight since the Freelancers tried to break in here," She walked over to a nearby crate and was rummaging through her thoughts.

"You mean when they tried to steal the Alpha before?"

"Exactly," She nodded to Church

Grif snorted loudly "The Freelancers tried to break in to their own command facility? That's dumb,"

Simmons hit him on the head "That's what we're doin' right now you jackass,"

"So? Just because _we_ do something doesn't make it smart,"

Simmons sighed "Tell me about it,"

Washington ignored him "I have the necessary clearance to get close to the storage hall. The plan is, I'll take Church as a prisoner. If I take more than one of you it won't be believable,"

Caboose put his hand on her shoulder and looked straight into her visor "Agent Washington, I want you to take me instead,"

Church almost laughed. Almost.

"What're you talkin' about?"

"I will be your prisoner. Let Church go. He doesn't have anything to do with this!"

Church probably rolled his eyes, AGAIN "Caboose, I'm not actually going to be a prisoner. I'm just gonna pose as one so that we can get past-"

"Have a good life Church. Don't worry. I won't tell them anything. They won't get any information out of me. No matter how nicely they ask,"

Church turned away in disappointment "Oh my God, just shut up,"

Sarge started to fake a cry "Sacrificing himself for his CO. Sniff. What a good soldier. Sniff. Why can't you two be more like him?" He barged at his two fellow reds.

Grif laughed "What, braindead?" Wash narrowed her eyes at him and he shut up

Simmons stood up a little straighter "I would sacrifice Grif for you Sir,"

Sarge bowed his head "I know you would Simmons. But it's just not the same thing," He sounded extremely disappointed

"No but seriously I would. Just give me the word. I'll do it right fucking now, let's go. Bring it,"

Grif turned toward Wash now "Why are you taking _Church?_ What about the rest of us?"

Wash glared at him "We're sneaking past seven levels of armed checkpoints. Are you volunteering?" Her voice was daring

"Uh, it was a hypothetical question?"

"The rest of you hole up and wait for us to finish. And don't touch anything." She barked the last part

"How will we know when you're done?" Sarge questioned

Washington turned toward the hallway as well as Church "When you see every guard in the base running in one direction? That means we're probably in trouble,"

"All the guards?" Church sounded scared as he stuttered "Whu- yuh- wait, wh-why are we taking Church, again?"

"Just keep the guards off of us, and we'll radio when we're in position. This will be our extraction point," she pointed to the ground beneath her feet

"Keep them off you?" Grif repeated

"Yeah,"

"Distract them, dipshit," Church added

Grif put his hands in the air "How?"

Wash slowly started to walk down the hallway calling over her shoulder "Well, this _is_ the center that came up with all the ridiculous scenarios you guys have suffered through over the years. So have fun. Break some shit," Church followed her down deeper into the hall.

After about nearly two minutes they approached a check point with two guards in front of a door.

The first guard stopped them "Hold on, don't come any closer. I need you to stay right there, Ma'me"

"Understood. I need access to the next level. The Counsellor wants to interrogate another survivor from Outpost 17B," Wash gestured to Church

The guard seemed confused "What? I thought all the Blues at Valhalla were dead. Where'd this one come from?"

Wash gripped her rifle behind her back tightly "I don't have to explain anything to _you_, soldier. Stand down,"

The man was a bit frightened "Sorry Ma'me, I didn't mean anything by that-"

"Fine. I'll let it go. As you were,"

The guard didn't let up "Something doesn't seem right to me. I'm gonna have to call this in,"

The freelancers grip found it's way to the trigger "Absolutely. Call it in. Let me just NOW!" She pulled out her gun and shot the first guard down, while Church dropped to a knee and emptied his clip at point blank range, but some how missed. The guard stood there in shock as Church's empty clip clicked continually showing it was done.

"Uh, hey can I get a little help I'm, out of bullets,"

Washington sighed and shot the other guard in the face.

"Thanks," Church mumbled

Wash pulled him to his feet and the two walked through the now unguarded door. It was a strage room with holograms all around the walls and some on tables.

"Here. This is it," She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Church gazed around in amazement "Whoa. What is this place?"

"It's the storage facility for all the A.I.s. The rejects, the bad variants... everything is here. Everything."

"Dear lord, what're all these lights on the walls?"

"It's holographic storage,"

Church looked at her "And one of these things is Alpha?"

Washington ignored his question "You work on closing that door. I'll find what we're looking for. And when I do, every soldier on base is sure to come running. So be ready,"

Wash approached one of the walls timidly, and carefully. Her head felt light headed as _THE VOICE_ spoke to her.

_Washington... Washington._

_Leave me alone _She thought.

_Why are you here Washington _it whispered back

_Where are you?_

_You didn't answer me Washington..._

__Wash held her head as she searched the walls frantically. Church stared at her curiously "You okay?" Wash silently nodded.

_Washington._

Wash approached a certain encryption as she ran her hands over it she could feel the memories.

"Churh I got it, get over here. Here, this is it. There." She pointed

"Oh, great you found it already?" He walked over to her

Suddenly Church dropped to the floor in obvious shock "Ah!"

"What's wrong?" Wash asked quickly

"Nothing I just had like a weird flash- uh, ah!" He dropped again

Washington put a hand on his shoulder "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I think it's this thing. It's like, sending out images. Is this the Alpha?"

Washington shook her head solemnly "No. This is _not_ the Alpha,"

Church mentally gasped "No? Thn what is it?"

_Washington... Washington... I'm here Washington_

She held her head her shoulders shaking slightly at the sound of that voice "This, is Epsilon. ...This is my A.I."

* * *

**DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHH! Yes sorry that i havent updated in like FOREVER! I was busy *Emmabrred face* So as in the beggining i told you about my new unpublished fanfic about A FemChurch and it starts at season 1! Okay and i also have a new idea for a sequal it will be the missions before RVB and just Project Freelancer. BUT you guys get to decide who FemWash ends up with, I'm personaly a North or York fan but she'll definently have like a one night stand with Maine ;)**


	20. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHORS NOTE**

**Okay first off, im super sorry for not updating, cause fight with my family, which eventualy lead to a broken laptop but no matter, i will be updating soon again So give me some encuragment to keep write, I LUV U all!**


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